Wouldn't it be better for the US if Canada invades, and then as the spoils of war forces us to have National Health care?

If I remember correctly from a college lecture, the War Department had plans, organized by color, against every possible foe. Plan Orange against Japan. The plan against Canada was interesting, called for 16 inch railroad guns blasting from North Dakota. Not sure what they would shoot at. Then or now!

Of course, if Bush invaded Canada we would within two years be reduced to a four square mile Green Zone in Toronto while the rest of the country was under the control of vicious Canadofascist insurgents having a quick boil up in the woods before going out to strike at US convoys.

It has always been my understanding that the Pentagon has plans written up for going to war with any country you could name. That's not because we're planning to go to war with, say, Luxembourg, but because it's good practice for the war-planning types in the military. Plus, if we WERE to go to war with the Seychelles or Guatemala or England or Canada, we'd want to know how best to do it.

In the 1870's American whiskey traders massacred Indians in what was then the Northwest Territories, now the provinces of Saskatchewan and Alberta. The Canadian Prime Minister, Sir John A MacDonald wanted to protect Canadian sovereignty, and formed a mounted regiment. He wanted to call it the Norhwest Mounted Rifles, but decided that name might be too provocative to the USA who were exploding westward after the civil war. So he named the outfit the Northwest Mounted Police. In the 1920's they were renamed the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Who the hell would want Canada. They can't even keep most of their hockey teams. In a country that's mostly whores and hockey players, that's saying something.

Even Wayne Gretzky had to get out of that god-forsaken hellhole.

That's what i'm talking aboat.

I'm sure the Canadians will welcome us as liberators and will throw flowers at our feet. Canada has no history of ethnic strife, so we can expect a peaceful occupation, and Canada will be able to pay for its own reconstruction out of its own oil revenues....

"The war aim of RED in a war with BLUE is conceived to be the definite elimination of BLUE as an important economic and commercial rival."

Red vs. blue. The more things change...

Hey, who knows, perhaps Canadians are secretly trying to undermine the U.S. as we speak. Why else would Canadian comedienne Caroline Rhea host a show called "The Biggest Loser"?

When we invade, I've got dibs on Toronto. It's such a beautiful city with those great old buildings and the sailboats on the water. I'd take a piece of the Canadian side of Niagara too. Somebody else can have Montreal. I have trouble reading the road signs.

We can't invade Canada. We need the Oil from the Tar Sands. The Canadians will dig as much as we need at market prices and pollute their own spaces. If our Senate had a vote we wouldn't be able to dig anything.

Canada is doing just fine. So what they squeal and whine. Don't listen!

It might be tough on our troops for a while. Anne Murray 24/7 might become demoralizing.

Of course the Tories who went north after our Revolution were losers. How could they possibly have built a nation without slaves and sharecroppers as our "Free" men were allowed. Only "Free" slave owners can develop a nation and state, Texas.

As I sit here listening to CBC Radio Two online, the great Canadian free classical and jazz network, I say no nation should be allowed to force free medical care upon its citizens. Attack at once. They must be allowed to choose their own overpriced HMOs.

" Canada has no history of ethnic strife, so we can expect a peaceful occupation"

Why do you think there are Cajuns/Acadians in Louisana. And what about the patriot's revolt of 1837.

Canada is at least two nations tied together. And you dont need to invade militarily to own Canada's resources, you only have to buy your way into the 2 major political parties to get great deals on oil, wood and electricity.

This plan has been in the works ever since the War of Griffin's Pig. Sooner or later Canada will demand the San Juan Islands back.

Oh Canada, please invade and capture me.

YYou know, I have been thinking that all of those gay marriages in Canada have been threateing my very heterosexual marriage. Maybe we need to do something to stomp it out.

We've secretly been preparing our defenses -- we'll start with the Royal Canadian Air Farce Chicken Cannon, to be operated by that Canadian Tire couple; then its "On King! On, you huskies" as our Great White North attacks in the west, while Great Big Sea attacks in the East, half an hour later. Then you'll have to decipher the phrase "there'll always be time for Tim Horton's, eh?" and by the time you do that, why, Don Cherry's suits and the barenaked ladies will send you raving into the Blue. You'll never know what hit you, a toque or a poutine!

rdw:>"If our Senate had a vote we wouldn't be able to dig anything."

Oh Boo hoo! Another whining conservative.

Huh? I was under the impression that Canada was ALREADY the 51st United State. Is that not true? (I don't rightly remember when the invasion was, but I assume it was sometime before the Rangers won the Stanley Cup.)

Of course, as North Dakota is, all by itself, like the third largest nuclear power in the world, a lightning strike down from Manitoba might have surprising results.

CL - good then you got the joke ...

rdw - the funniest part of your post is that it comes the same day as the NY Times' article on Nevada's gold mining industry. please tell me it was on purpose ...

"Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly and even-tempered is the beast, if I can call it that, one is affected by every twitch and grunt.."

Pierre Trudeau, Addressing the Press Club in Washington, D.C. (25 March 1969)

Back off, eh? You're making us nervous.

Look out, people, the jig is up! CathiefromCanada is on to us. I don't know what a poutine is but it sounds really scary.

carolyn:It's fries covered in gravy and cheese curds.

Heart attack on a paper plate.

Here's an honest question however. How many soldiers would be needed to occupy Canada? Consider an equal amount of resistance as you see in Iraq, at least % wise.

Oh..and by the way. If you ever invaded Canada and shut down business, all your computers would probably stop working over time...most of the technical support industry that's not in India is in Canada right now :p

Canadians don't worry too much about a US invasion, because the war-mongering party (guess which one) would never do it. It would have a hard time winning elections if there were two Californias.

Several decades ago, when I was a mere lad, my grandfather had a camp near Kingston, Ontario, and we would drive there from central NY, crossing what was then the largest body of water I had ever seen, the St. Lawrence River. Canada being a sovereign nation and all, we had to stop at customs, which was usually perfunctory.
One summer, however, I happened to be looking at a map while the border guard stuck his head in. I had been tracing how the US-Canada border tracks the river for a while and then cuts straight east while the river flows northeast. I said, to no one in particular, "Why don't we just take everything up to the river? That would make more sense?"
Took us 20 minutes to get through customs for some reason. Still, the idea of Montreal as the second-largest city in NY State has its charms.

If the US ever did invade Canada, it wouldn't be for resources, but rather to contain cultural influence (thinking most specifically of marijuana legalization, and general drug war termination). As someone already pointed out, the two economies are already too tied to have to worry about access to resources.

If I remember correctly Ann Coulter has also ranted about invading Canada (about 1-2 years ago). The rant was on television and was recorded. Her co-hosts on the Faux show were dumbstruck.

Karmakin

It still sounds scary. I suspect a Canadian plot to kill us with transfat. We must invade now! (I really want Toronto.)

Chill out, Canucks. At the rate Congress is spending money, buying Canada would just be a blip in the national budget. Much less fuss than invading, and since we're pretty sure your infrastructure is in workable shape, there's no point in busting it. If we want to exercise the military we'll send them to Mexico; their new gear is all warm-weather stuff anyway.

With seven innocent by-standers hit in a shoot-out between rival gangs on Yonge Street (Toronto's main entertainment strip) a few days before Christmas, the US doesn't have to invade Canada to turn Toronto into an American City.

Andrew writes: It has always been my understanding that the Pentagon has plans written up for going to war with any country you could name.

Apparently nobody could name Iraq. They went to war, it was just plans they didn't have.

All right men, coordinate your watches - the attack is to begin at 0100 hours Toronto time, 0130 in Newfoundland.

Ah,the good old days when we could laugh at things like "President Quale Invades canada".Today...not so much!

This is beyond funny and further proof that the left have completely lost their collective minds (assuming they have said minds). An "invasion" of Canada would take about a half an hour, maybe 45 minutes before they surrendered.

All right men, coordinate your watches - the attack is to begin at 0100 hours Toronto time, 0130 in Newfoundland.

No, Thant's 0100 hours Toronto time, 0200 hours Halifax time and 0230 hours Newfoundland.

joey g, matt,

I am not whinning. I think the current situation is perfect. I'd much rather we got our oil from the Tar Sands than from ANWR. It doesn't make any sense economically but it's brilliant politically.

Conservatives are in the process of crushing Kyoto and this sets up Canada to take a global drubbing for massive stupidity. They had no shot at meeting their goals under Kyoto anyway. Thanks to the US their economy has grown much faster than expected. But the big problem it the increase in fuel prices which brings huge investments in new supply. By definition almost all new supply will be dirtier than current supplies. At these prices the investment is worth it. Pumping Oil form ANWR creates little pollution. Digging Tar Sands and removing the grit is fantastically dirty and energy intensive. This is the dirtiest oil extraction method known to man. Alberta is a boom town as they dig to increase production from 1M barrels a day to 3M.

The Canadian govt can't stop Alberta. The permits were issued long ago. They will blow past their Kyoto limits by a large amount and will get to buy carbon credits from the Russians. The Russians have shown only contempt for Kyoto joining ONLY because they stood to make tens of millions. They haven't and won't invest a dime in pollution controls until they're ready.

This is an absolute and total disaster. Canada either withdrawals from Kyoto or they're the worlds biggest fools.

No enviromentalist with two functioning brain cells would ever recommend digging 2M Barrels a day from the Tar Sands over 2M from ANWR. We will be adding 3x's as many pollutants into the atmosphere. The good news is it's in Canada.

As an economic issue I'm OK with it because we've weathered the price hikes very well. The market is working and the economy is doing nicely. It's not a bad idea to keep ANWR as a reserve while Canada blows the doors off of Kyoto.

We win every way you look at it.

Those US plans were written when we thought
England might lose to the pesky Germans and then we'd have U-Boats in Nova Scotia. Canada took it's colonial status pretty seriously back then.
Since then it's been considered counterproductive to invade -- Canada's pretty much an artifical country anyway and it just gives us an extra vote in the UN, kind of like the Ukraine for the Soviet Union.

tont desantis,

Thanks - stand corrected and coordinated.

And now back to listening to Erick Friedman and PDQ Bach. Just do not want the attack to interfere with Jurgen Goth and Disc Drive.

R.L.

I guess I've seen South Park: Bigger Longer Uncut one too many times.

(taking a long drag off of her Carleton)

...Hack-hack, wheeze-cough, hack, HACK...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE STORE IS OUT OF SCOTCH? GO FIND ME SOME FUCKING SCOTCH!

When it comes to Canada, all I want is the western portion, the ski areas, the cowboys, and the right-wingers. Also, we like the English-speaking Canadians. Anyone else deserves ridicule because they speak Fren...

...hack-HACK, wheeze-hack, wheeze, wheeze...

NO, I SAID SCOTCH, NOT WHISKEY! NOW GO GET ME SOME FUCKING SCOTCH!

Canada has become trouble recently. I suppose it's always, I might add, because the worst Americans who end up going there. The Tories after the Revolutionary War, the Vietnam draft dodgers after Vietnam. And now after this election, you have the blue-state people moving up there.

There is also something called, when you're allowed to exist on the same continent of the United States of America, protecting you with a nuclear shield around you, you're polite and you support us when we've been attacked on our own soil. Canada violated that protoc...

...HACK-hack-cough-wheeze...

(trying to light another Carleton)

HELL-O! MY LIGHTER'S DRY!...WELL, THEN, FIND ME SOMETHING TO LIGHT THIS WITH! I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO RUB TWO STICKS TOGETHER. CHRIST, DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING?

They better hope the United States doesn't roll over one night and crush them. They are lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent. We could take them over so easily.

They don't even need to have an army, because they are protected, because they're on the same continent with the United States of America. If we were not the United States of America, Canada -- I mean, we're their trading partner. We keep their economy aflo...

...hack-Hack-HACK, wheeze

YOU HAVE ABOUT 30 SECONDS TO GET MY CIGARETTE LIT, YOU USELESS FUCK!

I swear, it's like he speaks a goddamned different language. I'd better call that College Republican chair to get me a better intern, one that's not quite as swarthy...

all this time, i wait for a mention of Fort Drum, or the 10th Mountain Div, and it's in reference to invading CANADA? ole Floyd should be happy to know that as of Jan/Feb almost all the soldiers will be deployed not to Iraq, but to Afghanistan, that other little war we're having. so Tim Horton's and the curling clubs are safe from their murderous advances!!!!!!!;-) {{tho i like me some TimBits when i can get em}}

C.J.Colucci: The StLaw River was the largest body of water you'd seen then; you guys didn't ever wander west to Lake Ontario?

"took its colonial status pretty seriously back then"

David Warren, the conservative writer for the Ottawa Citizen, and occasional poster here under another moniker, wrote a column recently in which he said that he still considers himself to be a British subject within the Dominion of Canada - He does not like the Maple Leaf foisted upon him.

hey if we invade Canada, does that mean we get to claim the Tragically Hip as our own then?

Why do you think there are Cajuns/Acadians in Louisana. And what about the patriot's revolt of 1837.

I was joking, making fun of Wolfowitz's claim that there was no history of ethnic strife in Iraq....

And hey, what about the Metis revolt?

Submitted without comment: cwd.ptbcanadian.com.

It has always been my understanding that the Pentagon has plans written up for going to war with any country you could name.

That is a common assumption, but turns out not to be the case. Creating detailed operational plans is difficult, expensive and time-consuming. Believe it or not, only five complete, current, invasion plans exist, including the Iraq plan. There are 43 other "conceptual" plans at varying levels of detail which, so the theory goes, could be turned into complete plans fairly quickly (within a few months). So far as I can tell, though, Canada isn't covered in any of the current plans, other than homeland defense. For more details, see:
William Arkin's Early Warning blog

This reminds me of the email circulating a few years back from a letter sent to Dr. Laura Schlessinger:

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

rdw,

Well Canada isn't interested in one-stop-selling to the US. It already has huge Indian and Chinese money pouring into the tar sands and there is serious discussion about building a railway to the Pacific from northern Alberta because it saves but three days on the boat trip to China. If the US wants that oil, it will pay world price for it, and not a dollar less...

rdw,

If you think that the tar sands is the dirtiest energy supply around, you should see what's been done to Montana by coal-bed methane producers.

Fortunately, with the War on Christmas successfully concluded and very favorable terms concluded in the Treaty of Nome, the 5th ACLU is available for the upcoming War on Canada. Our ranks have been bolstered with several units of elf mercenaries newly liberated from Santaist oppression, and we won't even have to change the initials on our WoC-logo uniforms!

As a former Louisianian, I look forward to liberating the motherland of Acadia with great anticipation. We shall bring liberty and freedom on the points of our bayonets. Vive la gloire! Laissez les bon temps roulez!

You're either with us or you're with the Quebecois.

Bring 'em on!

e1:
No, we hadn't.

I wish we had conquered Canada 200 years ago, I'm sure there wouldn't be an French Quebec Seperatists under OUR cultural assimilation policies!

/sarcasm

As undergraduates in Toronto the sixties, we often kicked this topic around. Some of us were descendants of the people who actually fought in 1812 (when Toronto was burned by the US military pursuing its legendary hearts and minds tactics).

[Parenthetically, a line from The Liar's Song: "I fought the Battle of Queenston Heights, put the Yankees on the run, and thats about the biggest thing than Man has ever done"].

Congratulations are due to the author of this item for even knowing about the Brown Plan. Before 9/11, I used to joke with a colleague in California that it might still have worked. I ventured that I could get an entire armoured division down to Fort Lewis south of Seattle before anyone knew what was happening. That presumed of course that Canada actually had an armoured division which it does not. After 9/11, we don't joke about such things anymore.

The Ft. Drum/Seizing the St.Lawrence Canal scenerio if the Quebecois commenced to be revolting was commonly discussed in the 1970s. It would not surprise me in the least if it had foundation in fact but no evidence on this point has yet emerged to my knowledge.

The following was offered in response to the original post, most likely in humour:

"Of course, if Bush invaded Canada we would within two years be reduced to a four square mile Green Zone in Toronto while the rest of the country was under the control of vicious Canadofascist insurgents having a quick boil up in the woods before going out to strike at US convoys."

Actually, I always thought thats exactly what would happen. Man, there are a lot of guns in this country and a whole lot of people who know how to use them. Don't press your luck an eighth time :)

Peace.

A question for the Canadians on the board:

When Fox news is eventually reporting on the ongoing insurgent warfare in Toronto, would you prefer to be referred to as a) Canadofascists, b) Canuckofascists, or c) poutine-eating hockey-monkeys?

Purely hypothetical, of course.

I'm surprised no one in this thread has mentioned water.

Every few months, someone in the Canadian media does a piece on the U.S.'s imminent water crisis. For example, Peter Lougheed (a former premier of Alberta) wrote an article in the Globe & Mail last month predicting that the U.S. will face serious water shortages within 3-5 years. At that point, Canada will be the only feasible water supplier, and the U.S. will exert major pressure on Canada to supply it.

Water, after all, is more vital than oil. There are alternative energy sources (though most are far from practical at the moment). There is no alternative to water, ever. Parts of the U.S. are already running low, with trend-lines heading negative very soon. The effects of climate change may well accelerate the problems in many regions.

And, as shown by this discussion, the coming shortages aren't yet on many people's radar. This is the sort of thing that may blow up too quickly for cooler heads to prevail. Suddenly one summer, a number of states have a serious drought and turn to Canada for water. Canada, having a drought of its own (weather doesn't stop at the border), says no. A shouting match ensues; in the meantime, a few Americans die and become symbols. O'Reilly yells, "It's like those commies up north are holding a gun to our heads!" And on it goes.

I'm not saying invasion is likely any time soon...or ever. But it's easy to see how the U.S. attitude of benevolent lack of interest in Canada could turn into "Friends don't let friends die of thirst." Serious friction could build up over time, and who knows where it will end?

dismayed,

We pay global prices for EVERY drop of oil we consume. That's the entire basis of my argument. If the global price is $55 we pay $55 if it's coming from Saudi Arabia, Norway, Venezuela or Ohio.

It strikes me as unlikely the Canadians would export much to China or India although when liberal governments get involved all sorts of stupid things are possible.

The reason is it's much cheaper and more profitable to sent it to the USA because the transportation costs are so much less.

It would be far smarter for India to invest in Canada and sell that production to the USA and then take those proceeds and buy from the Saudi's. They'd save a small fortune on shipping costs and would not have to invest a dime in railroads, pipelines or ports in Canada. The USA is already set up to take the production. They might need to add a pipeline but they can use the same right of way.

You might be correct regarding the coal-methane and Oil Shale. I think I read Oil shale might be dirtier and coal a bit cleaner. I excluded them because in terms of relative size they're tiny.

This is hard to call but the US economy seems likely to adjust to these prices by freezing demand growth below 1% and even lower. We had been running with negative growth for 4 months but just swung to positive growth. That could be weather related. "IF" in fact we keep demand growth at or below 1% The increased supply from Canada will fully offset lower production in the USA.

The only long term issue I confess to be confused about is the existance of US Oil companies. They have been spooked by these windfall profit tax rumors and have been diversifying overseas for quite sometime. Most of the scheduled refinery investment in the US is by foreign firms. They only represent 16% of total global sales and have decided to return 2/3s of their profits to investors in the form of dividends and share buybacks. That's an extremely low re-investment rate. They are not trying to get larger. They are trying to get smaller. Exxon is going the way of Intel. They will be getting most of their sales overseas. Clearly we are going the way of Japan and France in terms of domestic oil production.

California surrenders! And I think if we can get Oregon, Washington will have to come along, too.

Just don't make us eat the poutaine!

We will take up kurling, tho.

When James Sutherland "Buster" Brown devised his plan, I wonder if he also had a pet dog named Tige as well?

Poutaine, well Oregon may be moving that way - One of the dishes of the year in Portland is cheddar cheese curds with a beer batter, deep fried.

You're all forgetting your history. Steve Benen mentioned the Revolution and the War of 1812. kaptain kapital upthread mentioned the War of Griffin's Pig, but you unpatriotic defeatists are all forgetting the one we won:

The Aroostock War

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aroostock_War

Now you know why Maine has a northern hump.

C.J.Colucci: the first time i saw Lake Ontario i thought "they need another word than 'lake'". the StLaw is big at the TI bridge (where i'm assuming you went over to go to near Kingston). the Ogdensburg (i think Brockport on the CA side) bridge is pretty impressive, b/c it's one span that's got to be almost 2 miles across.

Craig McKie:The Ft. Drum/Seizing the St.Lawrence Canal scenerio if the Quebecois commenced to be revolting was commonly discussed in the 1970s. It would not surprise me in the least if it had foundation in fact but no evidence on this point has yet emerged to my knowledge.

there was an Air Force base in Plattsburgh that probably would have help more with that, it was decommissioned in the first (or sencond) round of base closures in the 90s. Ft Drum didn't expand until the mid/late 80s, before that it was just a training ground for reservists/Nat Guard, and left over WWII barracks. {believe i've heard more than one person tell me how the expansion of Ft Drum ruined/helped this area} now we're going through it again.

“A question for the Canadians on the board:

When Fox news is eventually reporting on the ongoing insurgent warfare in Toronto, would you prefer to be referred to as a) Canadofascists, b) Canuckofascists, or c) poutine-eating hockey-monkeys?”

Posted by: MJ Memphis on December 30, 2005 at 1:49 PM

Poutine is a Quebec (cough) delicacy. Their ways are not our ways. The rest of us get our trans-fats from Tim Horton's doughnuts.

Personally I like Canuckofascists, but as any Faux News watcher can tell you, we be socialists, not fascists.

Canucko-pinkos?

e1: the first time i saw Lake Ontario i thought "they need another word than 'lake'"

Try "pond".

You inlanders crack me up. The only thing funnier is people who call salt water ponds like the Med the "open" sea. If it's not the open ocean, then the appropriate terms are "pond" and "brook".

- Sincerely

A Saltwater Snob

"A Saltwater Snob"

Tell that to the crew of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

thethirdPaul: Tell that to the crew of the Edmund Fitzgerald

Right after I tell the crew of the Titanic.

thethirdPaul-- we were just talking about the Edumnd Fitzgerald at work the other day. i hadn't known that most of the crew came from my general vicinity.

Anyone remember Garrison Keillor's Lake Woebegone story involving selling the water in Lake Superior to the Saudis, and, after the draining was done, marketing "Superior Canyon" as a tourist attraction? One of the highlights would be the shipwrecks, including the Edmund Fitzgerald, scattered along the Canyon walls.

It has always been my understanding that the Pentagon has plans written up for going to war with any country you could name. That's not because we're planning to go to war with, say, Luxembourg, but because it's good practice for the war-planning types in the military. Plus, if we WERE to go to war with the Seychelles or Guatemala or England or Canada, we'd want to know how best to do it.

Posted by: Andrew on December 30, 2005 at 10:53 AM | PERMALINK

Exactly right! I certainly hope we have a plan for invading Canada and most every other country.

Alas, poor Mexico. It used to be our favorite.

My take on the subject

Drawing up unrealistic war-time contingency plans, including one like this, is nothing new. The real question is whether or not anyone doing the planning actually believed that such a war was even remotely plausible. I strongly suspect not.
In the early 1930's, France drew up a number of contingency plans for war against Germany. My favorite one consisted of a quick northern thrust through Switzerland- no kidding- and continuing northward to Berlin.

...would you prefer to be referred to as a) Canadofascists, b) Canuckofascists, or c) poutine-eating hockey-monkeys?

My favorite is "Soviet Canuckistani". Coined by Pat Buchanan, I believe.

And when we attack Montreal, let's grab all the cans of Habitant pea soup we can find.

Why do people talk about Kanadian plans to invade the US in the past tense?

http://cwd.ptbcanadian.com/rmap2.html

Kanucks are obviously hell bent on World Domination - today America

http://cwd.ptbcanadian.com/usmap.html

tomorrow the world!

http://cwd.ptbcanadian.com/map3.html

Tough crowd. Sadly rdw has us dead to rights on the tar sands issue, Alberta's made suckers of the rest of Canada in a big way.

Dismayed Liberal has it right though, there's not gonna be any invasion, eh:

"[GOP] would have a hard time winning elections if there were two Californias."

Bush's "approval level" here runs at 15% in a good week. Eventually, Canadians would get state status, and the GOP would be hooped.

In the meantime, lots of deer rifles around. Insurgency might be a different game when the population can be almost impossible to pick apart from americans, and has a high enough skill level to make their own GPS guided munitions from consumer goods.

A comedy troupe did a song about the war of 1812 you might want to check out - though the version up on the web is a touch lower-energy than usual, as it was played in Seattle. They seem a little nervous on the final passage:

So if you go to washington,
It's building clean and nice,
Bring a pack of matches,
And we'll burn the white house twice!

And the white house burned, burned, burned,
But the americans wont admit it.
It burned, burned, burned...
It burned and burned and burned
It burned, burned, burned
I bet that made them mad.
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.

When Pat B, as in Brownshirt, was writing columns for the Hearst Chain, he once wrote a column where he advocated the US annexing BC, Alberta and the Yukon Territory.

As for the "Invasion", I thought it had been successfully completed in the entertainment industry.

And now back to Juergen and Disc Drive from Vancouver, BC.

Correction: Jurgen Gothe of Disc Drive. Playing some fine jazz from the Montreal Jazz Ensemble at the moment.

Bruce the Canuck: Insurgency might be a different game when the population can be almost impossible to pick apart from americans

That's why I'm ok with the French Canadians - it's the "English" speaking ones I don't trust. At least the Francophones are obvious foreigners, but the Anglophones make good fifth columnists.

In WW2 in the Pacific, Americans used "lollapalooza" as a password, since there is no 'L' sound in Japanese. In the next war the password will be "about".

A comedy troupe did a song about the war of 1812

Ah yes, the "war between Kanada and the United States". Part of the laughable Kanadian plan to pretend they're something other than cast off Britons. BTW, I hear you folks took the Union Jack off your flag. A maple leaf? Heck, why not a daisy.

Well, in some sense of course, America did successfully invade Canada; it's just that we weren't quite America then.

I was actually reading the other night that the father-in-law of my seventh great-grandfather Dr. Joseph Adams (who was President John Adams's first cousin) commanded New Hampshire forces on the Louisburg expedition (during King George's War) in 1745. They took the fort, but he died during the campaign.

This stupid country can't even defeat a bunch of impoverished arabs. I seriously doubt it can take Cnanda in a clean fight. After all, the Canadians have Todd Bertuzzi.

Pechorin,

Do I take that to mean that Canadians don't know how to fight clean?

rdw,

The US may "pay" world oil prices for every drop it consumes, but when the profits from Saudi oil sales are to a significant extent re-invested in America or used to buy American military hardware, it has a similar economic effect as obtaining that oil domestically.

Tanglefoot (http://www.tanglefootmusic.com) has a tune called Secord's Warning, about the legendary Laura Secord who warned of the American advance at the Beaver Dams. The verse that always gets the biggest hoots and whistles, especially at 1812 reenactments, is this:

"So all you Yankee soldier lads who dare to cross our border,
thinkin' to save us from ourselves, usurping British order,
there's women and men, Canadians all, of every rank and station,
to stand on guard and keep us free from Yankee domination.

Chorus
There's American guns and 500 men so the warning must be given,
and Laura Ingersoll Secord was the stalwart heart
who braved the heat and the flies and the swamp to warn Colonel Fitzgibbon."

All in good fun of course, no need to mention this to the NSA or anything...

Obviously, as a practical matter, we're in no position to occupy Canada in the aftermath of an invasion. For one thing, there's almost no one in the Defense Department who can speak the language . . .

All in good fun of course, no need to mention this to the NSA or anything...

yes, cuz we know how many of you pinko Canukofascists are going to secret Al Queda meetings at Tim Horton's.........

Dismayed Liberal,

The fact Oil producers now have a lot more cash to use to buy American and other products is a positive aspect of the surge in oil prices but on a net basis we're clearly better off with lower prices and we'd have them with less government interference. The Scientific American did a full issue devoted to energy use and conservation and made the case for dramatically lower energy consumption in the US if common sense, mostly off the shelf products and designes were used to minimize energy use.

It will be interesting to see how much conservation and investment occurs over the next few years.

Personally, I can think of at least one fringe benefit: we could torture Mark Steyn.

Don't get the neocons started thinking on this... a lot of oil, easy to invade... next thing you know we'll start hearing about Canadian WMDs... They even have National Health care, so that makes'em commies too.

FYI, the Canadian invasion has begun. They've established upwards of 200 bases in New York, Ohio, Michigan, West Virginia, Kentucky and Maine. I've personally scouted bases near Detroit and Portsmouth, Ohio. Each base sells donuts, coffee and sandwiches as a front operation.

Also, my brother has informed me that the recipes used south of the border are not as good as those used in the Canadian homeland.

Don't get the neocons started thinking on this... a lot of oil, easy to invade...

Not to mention the ridiculously underpriced real estate! Another 25 years and Vancouver will be the next Cabo...Halifax will be the new Miami! Calgary could be the new Houston, but they don't have access to water...drat! Even when the ice cap melts it still won't make it. Still it's a steal. I bet Dicky and the Vulcans have already set the plans in motion. I'm sure those darn Canucks are sick of their inferior socialist healthcare and will greet our troops with open arms and maple sugar.

Dave Berry wants us to invade Canada in retaliation for Celine Dion. (By the way, her official web site offers us that liberal-Canuk-o-fashinists greeting of “Happy Holiday”. Invasions have been justified on less.) Dave also has proposed guerilla operations to sneak across the boarder and bring back some toilets that use more than 3 gallons (a long running joke of his dealing with EPA obstruction of our Right To Big Flush).

Personally, large guns firing between North Dakota and Manitoba – ah, actually, who would know that this was happening? What would either side hit? Wheat covered in ice?

What is not generally known is that there are a large number of Canadian terrorists. It’s just that, being Canadian, they are a lot more polite than most terrorists: “Ah, would it be alright with you if I put a bomb here? Oh, you’re saving that seat? OK, sorry, I’ll go elsewhere.”

mwg: FYI, the Canadian invasion has begun. They've established upwards of 200 bases in New York, Ohio, Michigan, West Virginia, Kentucky and Maine.

I knew it! 80% of the population within 100 miles of the border. If that's not massing for an invasion, I don't know what is.

To All Real Americans: Better Dead Than Canuck!

If anyone says "aboot", shoot first and just forget about the questions.

Actually at the same time the Canadian General Staff(to be percise,in the early '20s) commisioned a Colonel to draw up plans for the invasion of the US(there was a recent biography of the Col. published recently). Given the last time the canadians invaded the US(other than the hollywood invasion)it resulted in the,hm,capture and burning of Washington, I wonder whos plan might of worked out better?

Los Angeles is the 4th biggest Canadian city.They have taken over Hollywood...someones at the door have to go for a minute....

eastvan: Given the last time the canadians invaded the US(other than the hollywood invasion)it resulted in the,hm,capture and burning of Washington

The invaders were British, not Canadian. The Canucks are just wannabees.

eastvan: Los Angeles is the 4th biggest Canadian city.

Los Angeles is in California. I'm more concerned about an invasion of America.

Most of the 'British troops' were Canadians of UEL background.

eastvan: Most of the 'British troops' were Canadians of UEL background.

There was no country called Canada in 1812 - just a British colony.

This is beyond funny and further proof that the left have completely lost their collective minds (assuming they have said minds). An "invasion" of Canada would take about a half an hour, maybe 45 minutes before they surrendered.

Posted by: Jay on December 30, 2005 at 12:26 PM | PERMALINK

Sigh.

Jay, we Canadians don't have much of an army, it's true.

What we do have is great big swinging ball sacks, and huge muscular physiques (from shoveling snow 11 months of the year). Yes, Jay, even our women . So y'all just stay down there in East Armpit Arkansas, eat your damned pork-rinds, and shut the hell up.

Otherwise, we'll just come back down and burn the White House.

AGAIN.

Actually, You have nothing to worry about. None of us up here have given a sweet damn about anything you people have had to say ever since W hit office. Invading us wouldn't change that. Just imagine how embarassing it would be to invade a country and have them just look mildly at you, snort dismissively, and go back to watching the hockey game. I bet that would stick further up your selfish little craws than any car-bomb could.

At least a car-bomb indicates fear, and loathing.

Nowadays, we just wish you'd shut up and go home.

Regards,

Charles

> None of us up here have given a sweet damn about anything you people have had to say ever since W hit office.

That's a little harsh there, Charles. I think most of the world gave them the benefit of the doubt when he got into office. At least, the first time (everybody makes mistakes).

The second time, though. Whoa. I mean, that meant it must be on purpose?!? That bunch? TWICE? Started to wonder what the f@#% is wrong with the states, after that.

Just figure out a way to get Clinton in office again, and all might be forgiven.

Contingency plans don't mean very much. The military has thousands of contingency plans. Producing them is a routine bureaucratic operation. More war gaoming than anything else.

charles parr: Otherwise, we'll just come back down and burn the White House. AGAIN.

More bizarre Canadian mythology - it's the Brits that get to make that threat. The fact that some of the British soldiers hailed from a British colony, who's territory is now part of a "country" called Canada, is irrelevant.

BTW, how come you Brits (oops, I mean Canucks) never mention Baltimore, New Orleans or Lake Champlain?

Just imagine how embarassing it would be to invade a country and have them just look mildly at you, snort dismissively, and go back to watching the hockey game.

So you're saying that the average Canadian wouldn't even be cognizant of an invasion, or at least wouldn't care enough to defend their country? Even I think that's a little harsh, but I'll take your word for it.

Nowadays, we just wish you'd shut up and go home.

We are home. BTW, what are you doing on our continent?

Bruce the Canuck: I mean, that meant it must be on purpose?!?

Diebold.

That bunch? TWICE? Started to wonder what the f@#% is wrong with the states, after that.

I've been wondering that myself.

Just figure out a way to get Clinton in office again, and all might be forgiven.

How about Feingold?

Never should have stopped the Avro Arrow program.

Kudos to the Canadian, er British subjects, for putting in place the path to the end of slavery in 1810 and abolishing it in 1833. Perhaps the "brains" did flee north while our "free men" who wanted to own slaves stayed south.

As you were British subjects in 1812, you have every right to say that you Burned, Burned, Burned down our capitol. Forerunners to the "The roof is on fire, the roof is on fire". Very early Grunge.

alex, you're very brave. I'm a little timid about those mad canadians myself. I'm glad you're here to defend me. They're all so beserk - and so skinny. Are you pleasingly plump like FatWhiteGuy - or splendidly stout like Dear Leader's Acolyte Karismatic Karl? Anyway, my number is 555- 7734, please call me...I'm wondrous at constitutional interpretation - at least at a state level.

Love, Kathy

thethirdPaul: Never should have stopped the Avro Arrow program.

That's what the Russian spies said. How about that MiG-25!

Kudos to the Canadian, er British subjects, for putting in place the path to the end of slavery in 1810 and abolishing it in 1833. Perhaps the "brains" did flee north while our "free men" who wanted to own slaves stayed south.

As a Yankee bigot I've always known that the brains are up North, but not too far North. Most Yankee states banned slavery before the British empire did.

As you were British subjects in 1812, you have every right to say that you Burned, Burned, Burned down our capitol.

No, they have the right to say "we British subjects burned down your capitol". This avoids any confusion over a British colony that, many years after that event, and due solely to British benvolence, was granted a modicum of independence. Note, however, the ugly woman still on their $20 bill.

BTW, you've been reported to the DoHS for suspicion of Canadian sympathies.

Katherine Harris: my number is 555- 7734, please call me

Actually Kathy you've got a nice shape.

http://webpages.charter.net/timandlauren/harris.png

I'm a little disappointed by your email address though - I thought they were real.

More importantly, have you ever considered a brain transplant?

Sorry alex, tee hee,

This is my my favorite picture.

More importantly, have you ever considered a brain transplant?

That was such a clever comment!!! Have you ever considered writing for a career? I am disappointed you didn't answer my query in regards to your somatatype. It means a lot to my libido. I picture you as somewhat south of Karl...drool...oops sorry, sometimes I just can't control myself.

mwg on December 30, 2005 at 7:53 PM:

I've personally scouted bases near Detroit and Portsmouth, Ohio. Each base sells donuts, coffee and sandwiches as a front operation.

I had no idea that my consumption of TimBits was supporting anti-American activities...No worries, though; We've been implementing out counter-donut strategy via Krispy-Kreme franchises located throughout your country..And I shudder to think that I actually wore a touque as a child; I must have looked like some sort of Canuck-in-Training...

Also, my brother has informed me that the recipes used south of the border are not as good as those used in the Canadian homeland.

Really? I'll have to drive south to Canada and see if it's true...

"Alas, poor Mexico. It used to be our favorite." Quoted from Matt.

Actually it is properly:

"Alas, poor Mexico. So far from God, so close to the U.S."

Traditional Mexican lament, told to me by my Spanish-speaking father.

Tim Horton's (t-ho's) is presently conducting a secret reverse takeover of a major American corporation.

I hope no one from Wendy's reads this.

Hey Canadians - any chance you want to trade Montreal for Detroit? We will give you the Jets back as a sweetner.

At leats Canada had the balls to fight fascism and Hitler during WWII while the liberals like FDR sat on their asses for years saying America was neutral between freedom and tyranny.

Canada had no such problem understanding the need to fight tyranny that the left has.

Patton: THE stupidest fuck on the planet.

"That's a little harsh there, Charles. I think most of the world gave them the benefit of the doubt when he got into office. At least, the first time (everybody makes mistakes).

The second time, though. Whoa. I mean, that meant it must be on purpose?!? That bunch? TWICE? Started to wonder what the f@#% is wrong with the states, after that."

Posted by: Bruce the Canuck on December 30, 2005 at 10:08 PM

Don't be too hard on them, Bruce. The good citizens of Toronto elected Mel Lastman as mayor - twice. First time I thought they weren't paying attention. Second time? Whoa?

(For you Yanks: imagine George Bush as a secular Jew with bad hair, an illegitimate child, but with the same intellect and attention deficit syndrome. That's Mel Lastman.)

******************

"BTW, how come you Brits (oops, I mean Canucks) never mention Baltimore, New Orleans or Lake Champlain?"

Posted by: alex on December 30, 2005 at 10:27 PM

Good point, Alex. Probably for the same reason you don't mention Detroit or Queenston Heights.

******************

"At leats Canada had the balls to fight fascism and Hitler during WWII while the liberals like FDR sat on their asses for years saying America was neutral between freedom and tyranny.

Canada had no such problem understanding the need to fight tyranny that the left has."

Posted by: Patton on December 31, 2005 at 7:02 AM

Thank you for your kind words, Patton. We Canadians fondly remember how the America First Committee (which included Gerald Ford for a while) wanted to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with us, and that bad liberal FDR didn't. Or something like that.

Joe Canuck,

Thanks for mentioning the America First Committee. Please don't fault PattyPatton. Head Start funds were cut and she was only able to read her history from comic books.

Please do not tell her about Lend-Lease only passing by one vote because of the Republicans voting against the bill.

Alex either got a bad blow job in Soho or had a drug deal go sour in Vancouver.

B-Job, now Patton will get all excited.

thethirdPaul: Alex either got a bad blow job in Soho

The real Soho is in NYC. Are you perhaps referring to someplace by the same name in a British colony?

And the blowjobs in NY are top notch. Real American blowjobs where they ... oops, wrong site, look elsewhere on the net for details. By contrast Canadian "women" just look at it and say "it's not bent like a hockey stick, I don't know what to do with it". Believe me, there's a real down side to undercover work in the Great Northern Enemy.

or had a drug deal go sour in Vancouver

If I did buy illegal drugs, I'd buy real American ones in the real California (oxymoron intended), not some cut-rate copy called British Columbia.

Joe Canuck: Good point, Alex. Probably for the same reason you don't mention Detroit or Queenston Heights.

And who won the War of 1812?

The only reason we don't invade your colony is that some of our Southern troops are scared of snowballs.

"And who won the War of 1812?"

The Canadian colonists and the British, of course. America tried to invade and occupy Canada, and were repulsed by British regulars and Colonial militias, along with their Indian allies under Tecumseh.

The Americans failed in their aim, and the British & Colonist succeeded in theirs, so we won.

The real SoHo in London has some excellent spots for fish and chips.

And the play "Marx in SoHo" is a delight - Where Marx, who lived in the SoHo of London, is wrongfully sent to New York to argue his case.

54-40 or Fight: The Canadian colonists and the British, of course. America tried to invade and occupy Canada, and were repulsed by British regulars and Colonial militias, along with their Indian allies under Tecumseh.

Does canadian mythology know no bounds? At least I got you "people" to properly refer to your ancestors as colonists, rather than as citizens of the then non-existent country of canada.

The invasion of canada was a side adventure, not one of the aims of the War of 1812. I admit we muffed the first attempt, then sensibly abandoned the project on the grounds that we already had enough ice.

Of course America, then but a small upstart country, fended off one of the most powerful armies in the world, and the most powerful navy - the British (who received some warm(?) bodies from their cast-off cousins, the canadian colonists).

You do realize that the Battle of New Orleans was the final battle of the war, don't you? And that we trounced the British, or has canadian propaganda hidden even that from you?

>>Of course America, then but a small upstart country, fended off one of the most powerful armies in the world, and the most powerful navy - the British.

You're lucky the British were tied up with Napoleon or the outcome probably would have been different.

>>You do realize that the Battle of New Orleans was the final battle of the war, don't you?

Yes, I know all about the Battle of New Orleans:

We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin'
There weren't as many as there was a while ago
We fired once more and they began a-runnin'
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

I also know that the battle was fought AFTER the peace treaty had been signed. Long-distance communications were a problem in those days.

54-40 or Fight: I also know that the battle was fought AFTER the peace treaty had been signed.

You mean we Yanks jumped the gun a bit by signing the treaty before kicking your butts yet again. You're probably right, but we overestimated the canadian "troops". Should've known better.

You're lucky the British were tied up with Napoleon or the outcome probably would have been different.

By that logic we should have lost the Revolution too. The hostilities with France at that time were small potatos compared to Napolean.

Also, there wouldn't have been a War of 1812 if it wasn't for the Napoleanic Wars.

Lastly, the entire premise of your argument is backwards. The question isn't why the US failed to annex the frozen wasteland of British territories north of the 48th, but why Britain lost the bountiful territories south of the 48th.

Say hi to the Queen and the Governor General for me. Post again if you ever get your independence.

Thank you Dan Quayle for your lack of knowledge concerning the Revolutionary War and your Anglophobic remarks.

thethirdPaul: Anglophobic

Canadophobic. If you can't hate your neighbors, who can you hate?

Anyway, Happy New Year (even to Canucks), God Save the Queen of Canada, and death to American traitors.

Best thread of the year !!!

I do wonder about that curling thing...looks like a way to move bombs & rifles around w/o anyone noticing...brooms indeed

And dibs on Vancouver Island !

"No kings, voting or presidents, just a rough consensus and running code." - Dave Clark

To end 2005 on a proper note, last night in Vancouver, BC, the American and Canadian Junior Hockey teams played each other for a spot in the World Junior semifinals.
Canada got off to a roaring start, but the valiant Yanks tied the score. The game was fast paced with few violations called. With less than a minute to go, the Americans pulled their goalie. However, those dastardly Canucks took advantage and scored the winner into an empty net.

Any truth to the rumors that Paul Allen is beefing up security at Allen Island in the San Juans? Rent-a-cops are one thing, but SAM systems? Hmmmmm

Uh ... just technically speaking, IS there a "bad" blowjob?

Pat,

Well, Dracula was not that popular with the guys.

thethirdPaul: those dastardly Canucks took advantage and scored the winner into an empty net

Don't waste your time. Once a Tory, always a Tory, and you've already shown your true colo[u]rs.

The day will come (maybe in a few weeks) when the forces of goodness will unite against the Evils of Canadian faux-goodness, and stop their evil plan for Canadian World Domination.

In their won words, their goals are:

* The systematic destruction and sublimation of all opposing the Canadian reign -- and the polite, yet horrifically brutal, control of our future territories of conquest.

* Infiltrating the USA and through a cleverly designed plan, destroying it, and using its resources for our own purposes.

* Demonstrating to the world that Canada is the final and ultimate power.

* Decontaminating the world of American influence.

* Reorganizing a New World Society of Canucks to suit our kindly, peace-loving, and diabolical aims.

Thankfully we true Patriots discovered this diabolical plan using a secret American technology called "Google".

Perhaps my views are coloured by the fact that my favourite Ales are at least 6 per cent or stronger. Amoung my honoured friends, I always tell of the time I was IN hospital reading aboot the best commercial green houses being designed and manufactured in Canada.

Love the kickoff to the 250th Anniversary of Mozart, which the CBC Radio Two is playing this morning. They are airing the favourite Mozart music from each Province. Currently the Manitoban selection of Don Giovanni is playing.

And now I must bid Adieu in order to watch the last game to be coached by Dick Vermeil with my beloved KC Chiefs.

I must remember to read instead of scroll.

Thanks, Alex, I didn't know there was a Canadian Domination web site. I guess that means we've entered the big time and can compete with Little Green Footballs and Faux News.

Relax, eh? Sit back and enjoy a good Canadian beer - and I don't mean Labatt's Blue or Molson's Canadian. We just sell that swill to Americans. Try a Sleeman's or Moosehead. (But Alexander Keith has the best beer commercials.)

It's almost as if people in the military in both Canada and America (say at the Naval War College) were in the business of planning for how to, you know, fight wars.

Please put this down as the bottom story of the year.

If the US somehow were able to hang to Canada for any length of time I have two words:

Northern Ireland.

Good luck.