Editore"s Note
Tilting at Windmills

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March 10, 2006
By: Ogged

The Condition of the Possibility of Mimesis

Damn that Drum (to whom, many thanks). I wasn't planning on doing any Swedish swim instructor blogging--my Swedish swim instructor having moved away--but I can't just leave you all hanging, so...

As my body began to creak more loudly on the basketball court, I decided to take up the more genteel sport of swimming. I hopped onto the magical Craigslist, answered a gender-anonymous ad for swimming lessons and about a week later found myself in the pool with a former member of the Swedish Olympic team. Woot! Actually, she's married and almost killed me every week but one of the very first instructions I got--as I was trying to learn proper technique--was "look at my butt." People, it's harder than you think! We polite liberal men are so used to stealing a quick glance that we can't help but feel that our eyes will burn up if we keep them glued. But I persevered and I survived. You should try swimming.

Any chance this thread won't descend into juvenile sexism (or even mature sexism)? If you're good, in the next post you'll get wonkery.

Ogged 2:35 AM Permalink | Trackbacks | Comments (41)

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Comments

Frist!!1! Everyone knows that Ogged has terrible taste in butts.

Posted by: Armsmasher on March 10, 2006 at 2:41 AM | PERMALINK

I prefer cycling.
You're not making a good frist impression, although buttblogging is not a bad way to start...
--
HRlaughed

Posted by: HRlaughed on March 10, 2006 at 2:43 AM | PERMALINK

What product was it that used a phony Swedish bikini ski team to advertise?

Posted by: Linkmeister on March 10, 2006 at 2:54 AM | PERMALINK

You think maybe you could do that over again, except this time without the incoherent self-indulgent tripe?

Posted by: charlie don't surf on March 10, 2006 at 2:56 AM | PERMALINK

Democrats are all the same. Maybe if they stopped obsessing over just how much to ogle, they might start winning elections. Oh, wait, maybe not. Welcome to the permanent MINORITAY!

Posted by: Standpipe Bridgeplate on March 10, 2006 at 3:15 AM | PERMALINK

so, you believe in permance, huh 'pipe? how quaint.

Posted by: Jones on March 10, 2006 at 3:20 AM | PERMALINK

permance, permanence. whatever.

Posted by: Jones on March 10, 2006 at 3:21 AM | PERMALINK

I'm studying abroad in Denmark and going to Sweden for the weekend today. Anybody been there? Any advice for cool things to see?

Posted by: Steve on March 10, 2006 at 3:25 AM | PERMALINK

I feel the urge to pose as Oggeds tight-assed Bizarro-twin:

How typical for my brother to act as if giving in to gluing you eyeballs to a swedish olympic butt is an accomplishment for a liberal man.
How well it illustrates the inherent problems of liberalism as a left-wing ideology.
Either your mindset tells you that buttchecking is OK, unless explicitly prohibited, in which case you are a liberal, but hardly respectful of implicit social rules, a trademark of communitarians and social conservatives.
Or your mindset is against buttchecking (and probably swinging, sex toys and internet porn too), in which case you'll fit in nicely with the PC Volvo-crowd and on the Vineyard, but probably find that there is something to be said for women not calling unneccesary attention to their "attributes" in public (although burkas are overkill).

Posted by: OmniDane on March 10, 2006 at 3:38 AM | PERMALINK

Steve:
You might wanna check out Malm, cheap shopping, beautiful old town, lots of new building activity along the water front.
Otherwise, if you miss some wild nature in our well-groomed Vaterland, go north to Hallandssen.
It's bitterly cold, though, so be sure dress for the occasion.
And if you're in the academic mindset, check out Lund, Swedens university town and a cultural capital of the entire region for centuries.
And then there is that town - can't remember the name - that they built from scratch on a field in a historic style, but with all modern amenities.


Posted by: OmniDane on March 10, 2006 at 3:54 AM | PERMALINK

As my body began to creak more loudly on the concrete apron, I decided to take up the more hazardly sport of aviation. I hopped onto the magical maintenance danger Van, answered a gender-anonymous ad for Aviation lessons and about a week later found myself in the burning acid hydraulic fluid of the 737 Aircraft with a another Aviation Tech of the Delta Airlines team. YaY! Actually, I dont care if their married and it almost sucked me into the jet engine once a week, but one of the very first instructions I got--as I was trying to learn proper not get sucked in Technique--was "look at my stoopid ass friend" People, it's easier than you think! to get sucked into a jet engine! We liberal Technicians are so used to Finger Chopping Hazards a quick glance that we can't help but feel that our fingers will bleed and be chopped up if we put them in the jet engine. But I persevered and I survived some did not. You shouldn't try walking in front of a Jet Engine or a propeller its not a pretty site.

Is that mo Bettah?
Yall unnerstan dat piece o carp?

Posted by: one eye buck tooth [X^B on March 10, 2006 at 4:27 AM | PERMALINK

I hear that Richard Simmons sold his bicycle that has no seat (just a pole) to some Political pundit?

I wonder whom that could...

Posted by: one eye buck tooth [X^B on March 10, 2006 at 4:30 AM | PERMALINK

Any chance this thread might descend into juvenile Rachelwacholderism?

Posted by: ogmb on March 10, 2006 at 4:52 AM | PERMALINK

Sure, the butt is a focus of sexual attention, but the glutes are also the biggest muscle of the legs, generally the most powerful limbs of a bipedal species like ours.

There is a reason we tend to use "ass" as a synonym, even a shorthand synedoche, for the self. You can't go anywhere without your ass. Thus "Watch your ass!" and so forth.

The butt isn't exactly your center of gravity, but you need to have a good idea of where it is if you want to move in another direction at a moment's notice.

Posted by: bad Jim on March 10, 2006 at 5:36 AM | PERMALINK

my ass hurts.

Posted by: stinky larue on March 10, 2006 at 7:15 AM | PERMALINK

The butt isn't exactly your center of gravity, but you need to have a good idea of where it is if you want to move in another direction at a moment's notice.
Posted by: bad Jim

Any decent karate sensei teaches you watch the hips of your opponent because that tells you, more than any other cue, where your opponent is going next and what he/she intends to do when he/she gets there.

Balance and counter-balance.

It's called 'maximus' for good reason.

(Although the jaw actually contains the most powerful muscles in the human body.)

Posted by: CFShep on March 10, 2006 at 7:23 AM | PERMALINK

People, it's harder than you think!

That's probably from staring at the butt, Ogged. Don't worry, it'll go down eventually.

Posted by: apostropher on March 10, 2006 at 7:32 AM | PERMALINK

As a proud graduate of a fine southwestern university, I have many fine memories of watching the fine butts, abs, legs, and other prominently displayed portions of the swim team as it went running daily. I regret that I never saw the soccer team.

Just because I never bought a ticket doesn't mean I didn't appreciate fine atheletes and their dedication to my appreciation.

Posted by: jon on March 10, 2006 at 7:44 AM | PERMALINK

Ogged!

Are you well?

Posted by: benton on March 10, 2006 at 8:17 AM | PERMALINK

Ogged... you spelled oogled wrong.

Posted by: koreyel on March 10, 2006 at 8:50 AM | PERMALINK

I can't believe no one here has yet seen ogged's tale of the Swedish swimming instructor for what it really is: a tranparent allegory of the Democratic Party's current predicament and a sensible strategy for getting out of it.

Come on, everyone. Keep your eyes on the butt.

Posted by: My Alter Ego on March 10, 2006 at 8:52 AM | PERMALINK

Is there any truth to the rumor that you abandoned your old site to marry your hott cousin?

Posted by: John Emerson on March 10, 2006 at 9:21 AM | PERMALINK

"Although the jaw actually contains the most powerful muscles in the human body"

The muscles of the uterus during childbirth actually are stronger, though that's obviously a rather limited exception.

Posted by: Peter on March 10, 2006 at 9:31 AM | PERMALINK

Man, mae, I was sure it was an allegory to explain the proper political response to the Danish Mohammed-depicting cartoon kerfuffle.

Posted by: washerdreyer on March 10, 2006 at 9:37 AM | PERMALINK

I have no problem with looking at women's butts (surreptitiously) and would welcome the invite to do so with full-on, no-holds-barred, direct action. Be that as it may, I have to ask. You said that one of the first lessons you received from her on proper technique included "look at my butt". Huh? What technique does this teach? Which stroke does it apply to? Was she using her butt in a quick demonstration of kick or as a constant target for your eyes as YOU swam? Explain please how looking at her butt aided in teaching technique.

Posted by: Praedor Atrebates on March 10, 2006 at 9:40 AM | PERMALINK

While liberalism does definitely rail against the creepy leering that conservatives seem to enjoy, the upshot is that liberal chicks are empowered women who demand you look at their butts! And then do exciting things with them!

In addition, less homophobism, so you can even look at the butts of the men--without having to then run out onto a football field and have the crap kicked out of you in order to regain your masculinity.

Screw healthcare--I really think we should be running on the "look at my butt" platform.

Posted by: theorajones on March 10, 2006 at 9:53 AM | PERMALINK

Swimming is one of the best sports/exercises. Like the martial arts it is a whole body regimen.

Having an invitation to look at great booty while doing it is a definite plus!

Posted by: Lurker42 on March 10, 2006 at 9:59 AM | PERMALINK

OmniDane,

Any good water slides?

Posted by: Dr. Morpheus on March 10, 2006 at 10:35 AM | PERMALINK

Your next post suggests that we share pie. I will suggest some thoughts on swimming. I once did it competively in high school and D3 college. I was good enough to make the teams, but not good enough to win much. I was too slow to be a sprinter, but did not have the stamina to be a distance guy so I ended up sprinting middle distance events. Anyway after 30 years out of the pool, I joined a Masters group. There are some good looking butts among the mostly younger women in the group. I have absolutely no compunctions about admiring the female form, but I find that after the first 100 yards or so, I am much more focused on staying alive than any salacious thoughts about my fellow swimmers. I do not think it is my age (other than the effect that has had on my athletic ability) because I certainly enjoy salacious thoughts in other circumstances. The second observation is that all of the women have much better kicks than I do which is one of the reasons most of them are faster than I am--the other being they are simply better athletes and swimmers. All of the different kicks have significant involvement of the hips and glutes and apart from providing various degrees of forward propulsion depending on the stroke, the kick is critical to body positioning in the water. It really slows you down to be dragging your legs behind you no matter how strong your arms may be. Obviously, a well exercised rear end tends to be toned and more attractive than one used only as a cushion. In any event, swimming is a great form of exercise and apart from shoulder issues tends to be pretty injury free.

Posted by: terry on March 10, 2006 at 11:07 AM | PERMALINK

Swimmer ethics are much different from puritan-based American ethics. Heck, we're looking at each other in speedos for a couple of hours everyday - may as well look...

Posted by: le swim on March 10, 2006 at 11:08 AM | PERMALINK

Praedor, we were doing the breaststroke, and she was showing me the hip action in the European "wave style" breaststroke.

Posted by: ogged on March 10, 2006 at 12:01 PM | PERMALINK

"That's probably from staring at the butt, Ogged. Don't worry, it'll go down eventually."

But if it doesn't within four hours, call your doctor immediately!

Posted by: Ace Franze on March 10, 2006 at 12:10 PM | PERMALINK

If I'm good, I want more juvenile sexism!

Posted by: craigie on March 10, 2006 at 12:21 PM | PERMALINK

Don't worry, it'll go down eventually

There was shrinkage!

Posted by: craigie on March 10, 2006 at 12:23 PM | PERMALINK

I'm studying abroad in Denmark and going to Sweden for the weekend today. Anybody been there? Any advice for cool things to see?

You mean besides the 6 foot blond women? You greedy, greedy man.

There is a bar/club/restaurant called the Opera, you can't miss it, it's the major Stockholm nightspot for the cool kids. But don't let that put you off. It's worth going.

Also, my experience was to just go into a small restaurant and speak English. Instant girls! Fucking unbelievable.

Have a good weekend.

Posted by: craigie on March 10, 2006 at 12:27 PM | PERMALINK

OK, I'll bite. What's up with the title of the post?

Posted by: confused in Kansas on March 10, 2006 at 12:30 PM | PERMALINK
Praedor, we were doing the breaststroke

So that's what you kids are calling it these days...

Posted by: cmdicely on March 10, 2006 at 2:03 PM | PERMALINK

Re: butt-looking-at, here's a rough and ready way to tell where people lie on the political spectrum:

Conservative:
(a) Aggressive leering and threatening comments always permissible, though sex itself is filthy and wrong except to reproduce.

Liberal:
Appreciative glances usually o.k. Extended admiring observation just dandy if it's o.k. with the object of the admiration. Leering: out.

Radical lefty:
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU OPPRESSIVE RUNNING-DOG LACKY OF THE PATRIARCHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Posted by: Winston Smith on March 10, 2006 at 3:18 PM | PERMALINK

Praedor, we were doing the breaststroke, and she was showing me the hip action in the European "wave style" breaststroke.

Ah. My breaststroke sucks (my crawl is passable...just). Perhaps she could have me look at her butt to improve my breaststroke?

My breaststroke really does suck.

Posted by: Praedor Atrebates on March 10, 2006 at 5:03 PM | PERMALINK

Well, ideally, the permitted view of the butt ends with a breaststroke....

Posted by: serial catowner on March 10, 2006 at 6:16 PM | PERMALINK

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