As a headline collector, i can say that's pretty good, but the best ever is:

"Mishap ends well for stuck in mud boy"

Huntsville (AL) Times

The best headlines always have the word "severed" in them. My personal favorite is the SF Chronicle's famous mid-80's headline "Severed penis found on railroad tracks."

It pales in comparison to the NYPost's famous 1980s headline

Headless Body Found In Topless Bar

I like the diarrhea military strategy better. Shit at one place after an Indian/Mexican meal and let it spread. Rinse and repeat.

PJ of course nails it.

The NY Daily News, when Ford refused aid to a bankrupt city:

Ford to NY: Drop Dead

is pretty good.

And then there is the whole compendium of great Variety headlines:

Sticks Nix Hick Pix

being the greatest
(translation: small town America reject rural-set films)

Wall Street Lays an Egg

(after the 1929 crash)

Is this a good time to bring up van Gogh cutting off his ear for a prostitute?

She still wanted twenty bucks...just like downtown.

Okay. I'll go away now.

You know what would be a better inkblot plan for peace in the Middle East? Start with using an international peacekeeping force to establish and maintain the borders of an independent Palestinian state and then move outward country by country, spreading peace and democracy throughout the region.

Can strategic hamlets be far behind?

Better start feeding inkblot kitten food.

I have always been partial to the headline during the Dow-Corning breast implant problem: "Breast Implant Maker Accused of Distortions"

While that may describe the nominal strategy, in practice it seems to be more like: "grabbing a piece of terrain, momentarily stabilizing it, and then redeploying to a completely discontiguous piece of terrain—where the insurgents went when you came to stabilize this piece—to momentarily stabilize that, and then redeploying to the next new place the insurgents have moved off to, and then back off to the first place, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum, ad infinitum."

On headlines...

When the Knicks were still a good team that made the playoffs every year, they went up against the Indiana Pacers in the conference finals. The series nearly went the distance, and had it gone seven games it would have wrecked the Daily News' headline:

Knicks Nix Hicks in Six

I still have a copy of that paper.

From an Indian paper (can't remember when or which one):

Chinese generals fly back to front.

From The Scotsman a few years ago:

"Rod Stewart songs to become musical"

"Uncle Tortures Tot with Hot Fork"

-- From the Murdoch newspaper in San Antonio in the 1970s.

Spreading democracy in the region:

Bush should invade Israel and institute regime change and true democracy there.

Can any country that refuses to give the vote to three million people living within its borders, be called a democracy?

Israel has refused to give the three million Palestinians living within its borders, the right to vote.

Israel has refused to give these people the vote, even though they have been living under Israeli occupation and within Israel's borders for over 34 years.

Israel is NOT a democracy in any real sense.

pj beat me to it. Headless Body found in Topless Bar is one for the ages.

How about Nixon was grooming Elvis for Presidency from the National Enquirer, about 1980?

The reason the conservatives like the "inkblot" strategy is that an inkblot can mean whatever you want it to mean.

"Sure, to you, it looks like civil war. But that's just your interpretation. To me, it looks like democracy!"

I'm sure no onw else here has seen this one, but my favorite appeared in "Workers Vanguard," the paper of a small Trotskyist sect:

HUBERT HUMPHREY DEAD AT LAST

The whole idea of the "inkblot" strategy is that you don't give up territory once you've stabilized it. Of course, that requires this administration to have a clue what to do with an area once they've established control of it, and that's pretty much the entire problem. Much easier -- and more domestically productive -- to play "whack-a-mole" and lay the groundwork for a Dolchstosslegende narrative.

some headlines from the last few years. yes, they aren't as much fun as some of the old-timers, but they were also written after you were born ;-).

salon: News brief: Beach drops Speedo ban

latimes: Topless Anti-War Protesters Busted

latimes: Alleged Silicone Smuggler Busted

hmmm...could be a pattern at the latimes...

I agree with hopeless pedant..."Ford to NY: Drop Dead" is a classic, especially since it gets revived every now and then.

"Severed hand found in nude dancer's home" still rocks, though, as do many of the other examples cited here. Good stuff.

BTW, a headline I'd like to see is "watcher takes ball, goes home."

Supposedly one of the NYC newspapers had a headline about Gloria Vanderbilt moving hospitals - Sick Gloria in transit Monday.

Are there no journalists here? Does no one remember the famous blooper headline used to sell the Columbia Journalism Review's The Lower Case?

"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge"

Supposedly one of the NYC newspapers had a headline about Gloria Vanderbilt moving hospitals - Sick Gloria in transit Monday.

Oh, god, that's beautiful, keith.

YellowDog: I remember those books. But everything in them has been so overused now...we need some new ones.

During the gay-marriage boomlet in San Francisco in 2004, the Chicago Sun Times ran the following headline after Rosie O'Donnell and her partner got married:

Rosie Weds Longtime Girlfriend, Slams Bush

Headline aside, this is the funniest sentence in the article:

Two people who knew Kay told The Star-Ledger of Newark that the hand, which Kay nicknamed "Freddy," was a gift from a medical student who frequented an all-nude juice bar where she dances.

I guess topless juice bars just aren't exciting enough for the average medical student.

My favorite headline was when a New Jersey Net, named Sugar something, tested negative for drugs: "Coke Free Sugar." Newsday, I think. 80's.

i prefer the newark star-ledger's headline for the same story: police find in hand in jar in nude dancer's home. begging the question: was it their hand in her "jar"?

"Yahweh Indicted For Conspiracy"

In addition to the Post's infamous "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar," I'm also fond of their headline following Three Mile Island:

Nuclear Death Approaching!

Wait! They have "all-nude juice bars" in New Jersey!?!

I thought that the strategy was called "oil-spot"? See this.

On a serious note, ink blot, or ink spot, is considered "best practices" in counterinsurgency--really the only game anyone knows about. The problem: very labor intensive. The pacified areas have to be kept safe in order to continue to hold them on the good guy's side. 2,000 more U.S. troops ain't anywhere big enough to do this job, especially since they are trained to kill, not trained to interact with civilians. I'm assuming, fairly I think, that Iraqi forces are too corrupt or too sectarian to be useful.

I think I saw a headline about this strategy many months ago. And it applied to a city other than Bagdad... hmmmm.

My favorite was "THIS IS NEXT YEAR!", from (if I recall correctly) the New York Daily News on October 5, 1955. But I always had a sneaking fondness for one from the New York Times, "Russian Virgin Lands in Trouble", about problems in developing Siberian farmlands.

"child's stool useful in garden"

Headless Body
In Topless Bar

was the NY Post hed... A Miami Herald editor lost his job over a hed he wrote for a story about Pope John Paul II getting a colostomy after being shot. It ran in just one edition:

Il Papa's Got A Brand New Bag

The guy's been at the NY Daily News now for years.

tabloid headline from about 20 years ago:

Bomb in Wedding Cake Kills Cheating Bride

Currently on the BBC News front page:

Snakes Alive - Panic as posted python pops out of parcel

Not bad, but it does seem like they're trying a bit too hard.

From an English paper during WWII
"Allies Push Bottles Up Germans"

My favorite was "THIS IS NEXT YEAR!", from (if I recall correctly) the New York Daily News on October 5, 1955. But I always had a sneaking fondness for one from the New York Times, "Russian Virgin Lands in Trouble", about problems in developing Siberian farmlands.
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I've always been partial to a NY Daily News headline from several years back... the city was planning to extend a sidewalk in (IIRC) Queens, so they installed a fire hydrant in the middle of the street, where the new sidewalk was supposed to extend. Except that they cancelled the sidewalk extension, and now you had a fire hydrant standing in the middle of the street.

So the front page of the Daily News showed cars trying to maneuver around this fire hydrant smack dab in the middle of the street with the headline, in big letters:

"DUH"

An all-time classic.

There was a humorous little book about the tabloid style called "Dwarf Rapes Nun, Flees in Ufo." Not bad, actually. Fiction, but it would have made the all-time list.

And what about one of headlines rejected by the editor at the Daily Post - There was a story about medical research showing that sex helped older men maintain healthier hearts. The rejected headline was to read:

"Takes a licking, keeps on ticking"

Instead of Inkblot, why doesn't the Pentagon call the tactic, the Rosharch campaign? Then, they could interpret the results, as they usually do, as anything Rumdumb perceives.

Frank, "Sugar" was the man's nickname, the man being Michael Ray Richardson. He played for the Nets and Knicks. And I don't remember the headline, but I find it hard to believe that he was ever coke free in the 80's.

Also from the NY Post

"Red Head Dead"

(death of Yuri Andropov-or was it Chernenko?)

They're starting a new tradition- "Friday Cat Warfighting".

Although I'd that Headless Body in Topless Bar is the best, one of my all time favorites is from another tabloid, Weekly World News: "Famous Psychic's Head Explodes." I think that says it all, really.

Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post mentions the Miami Herald headline prior to the landfall of a hurricane:

"South Evacuates in Face of Helena"

Hard to beat that.

I suspect that the same Daily News writer also wrote a Tuesday morning headline on an announced Metropolitan Transit Authority bailout deal: "Sick Transit's Glorious Monday."

The world's great headline was in the NY Post several years ago:

Headless Body
In Topless Bar

No, the world's greatest headline was in the NY Post (or maybe the News) a few years ago.

HEADLESS BODY
IN TOPLESS BAR

Bush knew.

Everybody remembers that NY Post headline (I actually had a copy of that newspaper the day it ran with that headline - I wonder how much it'd fetch on eBay now), so I'll mention my favorite, from the San Antonio Express News, which ran shortly after the 1984 GOP convention in Dallas:

"Hospitality Orgy Leaves Dallas Limp"

That one adorned the door in my dorm room for the rest of the year.

Clearly a keeper, although I personally prefer "bus plunge" headlines.

On a somewhat related note, there's the headline from "The Simpsons", which is perhaps the worst ever: "Activity Taken Part In By Some".

Not a headline per se, but I like this sentence from a news report describing the end of a bitter strike at the Hormel plant:

Hormel resumed production of Spam luncheon meat using the returning strikers.

Best tabloid headline:

Celebrity Sex Diet From Beyond The Grave

It has been written that Sirhan Sirhan found a severed adult finger in his playground as a child growing up in Palestine. He was living a life in a David Lynch movie, as will hundreds of thousands of Lebanese children now. The gift of F-16's by the US to Israel has made this dystopia possible.

Phil, you have his name right - - but he briefly tested negative, and positive quickly thereafter.

It's surprising that no one has mentioned that prescient Onion headline after Bush's 2000 election (or selection): "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over"

On headlines:

A personal favorite is "Solar Powered Toilet Built in Forest" Just raises so many questions. Why build a toilet in a forest? Why does it need power? Why solar?

A newspaper mistake led to my former boss's photo being placed adjacent to the headline, "Castration Urged for Repeat Sex Offenders"

Re: "Headless body in topless bar"

The sub-head, as I recall, was "he came for the free buffet."

I used to have a t-shirt with that headline.

My favorite for most boring headline of all time: "Lawn Bowling Tournament Continues."

My dad was a copy editor on the Examiner for 20 years (back when the Examiner was a real paper), so I grew up as a connoisseur of great headlines.

One of my favorite headlines was from the Chronicle a few years back: "Government pot mostly seeds, stems". Really.

Dan, I can't believe someone else cited "Famous Psychic's Head Explodes". My wife and I saw it in a supermarkek checkout line how many years ago? One or the other of us uses it to refer to something or other at least every month or two.

Remember the picture?

Jeez, I wrote a better headline than that just the other day. It was a story about a Japanese brewery that had to convert some of its production from beer to soda pop, due to declining beer sales. So I wrote:

Pop Tops Hops Flops.

I have to admit a fondness for the old "Hollywood Variety" style of staccato headlines. Probably the best headline I ever read was in that style, in Rolling Stone magazine many years ago. It was a story about the band Styx, who had not released an album for many years, but now the new album was a hit:

Lax Styx Wax Clicks.

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All my favorite "great" headlines have already been posted. My pick for dullest, though, is "Worthwhile Canadian Initiative".

Cited in Gene Weingarten's (Washington Post) chat:

Police arrest naked man after he flails car with a stolen pigeon

When I was studying in Britain during the 1980s the Murdoch tabloid the Sun ran an article on the Queen's stste visit to Belize, where she dined on a large guinea pig at a state dinner. The headline: "Queen Eats Rat."

Love the Beijing restaurant ad.

A current headline:

Lance Bass Tells People Magazine I’m Gay

[What, pop stars outing reporters now?]

When I worked at a New Jersey paper in the late seventies, I wanted to use this headline if Reggie Jackson (whom the NY tabloids frequently referred to as "Jax") hit a long home run to help the Yankees beat Boston or Chicago:

"Jax Whax Max Rox Sox"

Alas, I never got the chance.

While that may describe the nominal strategy, in practice it seems to be more like: "grabbing a piece of terrain, momentarily stabilizing it, and then redeploying to a completely discontiguous piece of terrain—where the insurgents went when you came to stabilize this piece—to momentarily stabilize that, and then redeploying to the next new place the insurgents have moved off to, and then back off to the first place, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum, ad infinitum."While that may describe the nominal strategy, in practice it seems to be more like: "grabbing a piece of terrain, momentarily stabilizing it, and then redeploying to a com

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My favorite headline is from the new york post after the famous '97 holyfield Tyson fight.

CHUMP CHOMPS CHAMP.

Or one I remember from the fall of the Taliban in 2001:

KABUL MEN FLING TROUSERS OFF FOR DEATH-FREE SOCCER.

And a twofer I came up with myself in the summer of 2003 after one of Saddam's former henchman was assassinated on the same day a pro-war concert was being held in Washington.

IRAQI LACKEY WACKED. CLINT BLACK'S HACK TRACKS CONTINUE TO DISTRACT JOE SIX-PACK.

Someone would have paid good money for that, wish I had been a bit more on the ball.

Some Fleet Street drones had an informal contest to write the world's dullest headline. The winner?

"Small Earthquake in Chile. Not Many Dead."

Thanks for the headline festival, but can someone explain the difference between the inkblot strategy and the 'strategic hamlets' strategy of the Vietnam War?

snakes on a plane...

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