Hate the phone ?

Oh come on people, it really must be junior high school day around here.

*SHEESH*

"There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept." - Ansel Adams

I don't think you're that introverted.

What's with all the odd anger, daCascadian?

I used to be painfully shy as a person, and while I've largely gotten over that IRL I still find it incredibly stressful to talk to people on the phone."

That's a shame.

Lack of confrontation is how liberals let these pansy ass Retardicans change this county into wingnutville. Just a thought...

Hm, yeah, I don't think I've ever even heard of someone who hates the phone before.

Hates talking to telemarketers, sure.

Hates talking to or getting calls from particular people, fine.

But I like talking on the phone + I thought everyone else did (like talking to people they are on good terms with) too.

There have been a few positives about going deaf in my 30s - the primary one? The phone went first. Don't get me wrong, I can talk on the phone for hours with about 3 people. Every other type of phone call was so anxiety producing, I can't begin to tell you. And now? I can just make a relay call through text messaging. I feel like my sanity has been saved.

It's not the phone I hate, it's the voicemail.

If you don't have an iPod and want visual voice mail and you do have a web compatible cellphone, surf on over to google's new toy: grandcentral.com.

It's an acquisition so not as yet well integrated into gmail, but it provides (currently for free) a nice voip based visual voice mail package, and is in someways better (and someways worse) than the ipods.

It's worse because I am sure a native interface is just much nicer to use.

It's better in how it lets you integrate many of your phones, home, cell, work, into it's voicemail system and then you can provide rules based on who is calling and time of day to decide which phone (or all phones) to ring.

You can even do the old answering machine trick of screening your calls, listening in, and picking up if you want to.

I hate the phone.

Yet I do phone banking. Go figure.

Slow news day?

Many bloggers blossom in the anonymous light of the computer screen. Why not, blogging is like email without the personal responsibility. Neither requires the social skills of a telephone conversation.

A telephone conversations requires full concentration on what the other person is saying.

Blogging, on the other hand, allows those in love with their own thoughts to express themselves free of the human responsibility that always accompanies direct social interaction. You can hurt someones feelings guilt free.

A blogger simply doesn't have to acknowledge a real human being is on the other side of the screen. That is why comment treads often burst into flames. That is why feelings are so often hurt.

shortstop >"What's with all the odd anger..."

Odd anger ???

I sure hope you aren`t a physician `cause that type of misdiagnosis of a situation could be deadly.

I just happen to have a lot of unscheduled time today to react to some really silly stuff here. Not much of a news day I`ll admit.

"...This is not a game." - Lorie Van Auken (2001.09.11 widow)

Since you often talk on the phone to people you wouldn't talk to in person, a better test would be "do you favor talking on the phone (to specific people) OVER talking to them in person?" Is it the phone or is it the different population of people, or different tasks you use the different mediums for?

And most people I've known who don't like the phone are people who don't like people, and don't care what others have to say. It's hard for them to fake it, with their voice, on the phone. But over IM or email, they can fake it as much as necessary, and, crucially, have control.

So if bloggers as a group are more phone-loathing, I'd guess it's just the already observed high incidence of social disorders, like mild Asperger's, or ego-centicism, or general assholishness.

I thought this was all about cold calling people you don't know that well. Not talking to your brother, your best friend, or having phone sex.

I don't mind or hate the phone in the way Matt Y. describes.

Rather, what I do find very disturbing is the loss of privacy, anonymity and solitude that comes with modern ubiquitous cell phone tech, private messaging, and social web apps (like Facebook). Twitter captures what I detest and fear the most, I think. I find it all simply... disturbing, and more than anything it makes me aware that my values are very different than those in the upcoming generations. Do not want.

Phones suck because they are a synchronous, low bandwidth form of communication. Synchronous, because when the phone rings, you generally stop what you're doing and answer it, then on the phone, you're expected to maintain communication continuously until it's finished. Letters, email, text messaging, blogging don't have this problem.

Low bandwidth, because you have to say something. You can't arch your eyebrow, fold your arms, or smile, you have to fill the dead time with words.

At election time you get lots of calls to do electioneering, which generally means phone-banking. I've done it a few times, but I really loathe it as every call makes me feel like such an asshole.

A phone call is an immediate demand that someone interrupt whatever they are doing and give you time and attention. It's rude and annoying. Especially if the person you are calling is a stranger. Thank heavens for caller-ID.

I am seeing the word "fear" a lot in this thread. Why?

I'll just chime in. I generally dislike receiving phone calls to the extent they require me to engage in any small talk or extended conversation. I'm willing to exchange a reasonable amount of necessary information (where and when to meet, etc.), but that's about it.

On the other hand, after several drinks, I'm eager to ring a friend up and keep them on the horn for hours.

Fear, loathing and hate, especially hate, seem to be the dominant ideas in this thread.

I think Ty and Boronx together hit on something.

When I was younger (through college), phone calls were kind of exciting, because someone was calling me, and that someone was someone who knew my number (and I didn't know who was calling unless I answered the phone, or let it go to the machine, and which point I couldn't answer it because then I'd be the jerk who screened his calls).

Now, everyone has my number (telemarketers), or, alternatively, calls me on my cell, in which case if I answer, I am stuck on the phone instead of doing what I was doing. If I am at home, cool. But often I am not. In the "old" days I only got phone calls when I was at home, because that was where the phone was, so it was a fun thing to answer it, not a drag like it can be now if I am doing something else.

Anyway, with caller ID, etc., some mystery is removed and the choice of answering or not is now a lot more informed, and a lot more calculated, which makes the whole exchange seem more like work and less like a fun game of "who is this calling me?"

One reason may be that phone conversations allow no time for reflection or consideration of what or how to say something. Blogging, email, even texting gives some time for thought. That may be the key, especially for those thoughts that are not social and/or inconsequential.

I loathe the phone. After our first date, my now wife / soulmate, called me, and was convinced I disliked her.

Even since I worked tech support for Disney I've hated the phone. And that was almost 10 years ago. It's why I love our answering machine so much. If it's important, leave a message and I'll call you back on my time.

I don't like the telephone either.

I'm betting that response to this will be strongly gendered.

Phoney Hostility?!!

Let's talk about something other than Maureen Dowd for a change.

I don't mind talking on the phone but my husband hates it!! He says he misses the visual cues and body language that let him know how the person he's talking with is reacting to what he says.

I love the phone.

Good distinction Kevin. I don't mind receiver calls either, but I hate making them, and for the reason you note. There is no way to tell whether or not you are going to be bothering those who you call. It's rather intimidating to be honest.

One reason may be that phone conversations allow no time for reflection or consideration of what or how to say something. Blogging, email, even texting gives some time for thought. That may be the key, especially for those thoughts that are not social and/or inconsequential.
Posted by: Ken in MS on March 10, 2008 at 11:16 PM

The notion that bloggers reflect on what they are saying is scary. You mean to tell us that Obama and Clinton supporters screaming epithets are actually reflecting on the impact of their snarks? Around here most of them were friends before the current divide. I wonder how many will be friends after a winner is declared. I don't think the Obama/Clinton feud is breaking up many friendships of people who primarily communicate in person or over the phone. Do you?

"At election time you get lots of calls to do electioneering, which generally means phone-banking. I've done it a few times, but I really loathe it as every call makes me feel like such an asshole."

jimBOB, Ditto for me. I did it once, never again. I got a hang-up ratio of about 19 to 1.
But then I was calling in NY, hardly a place to expect a polite 'not interested' response.

Can't we all just get along? If someone calls you who you don't want to speak with, just respond that you are "busy," or "not interested." Then everyone will feel better.

McMegan: "...but I would rather scrub my floors with a toothbrush than get on the phone."

Yeah, no exaggeration there.

Maybe it depends on one's personal experience. I never thought much about it one way or the other until I became a portfolio manager. Then that phone represented work, the news that came over it might be good or bad, but it was stress either way. I grew to hate the blinking read light indicating voicemail. What tedious news or tasks would it unleash taking over my day?

That wariness imprinted on me, I guess forever. To this day, even after making enough money to retire at a relatively young, in large part by using the phone, I find myself ducking calls at home. When I got rid of my cell phone, for a few months it was weird, but after awhile it was like ... freedom!

" I don't think the Obama/Clinton feud is breaking up many friendships of people who primarily communicate in person or over the phone. Do you?"

Ron, Very intersting comment. I hadn't thought about it before but I have two pro-Clinton acquaintances, one of which I communicate with by phone with no anger or animosity problems at all. But the one I communicate with by e-mail is a different story entirely. I feel angered by her comments and usually answer in kind. I must say that neither of these women are 'good' friends, in which case I would make an effort to resolve differences in any way possible (although past political differences over Iraq have severely damaged one long-lived friendship). In any case, the phone brings out a much more sociable and accomodating 'me' than does e-mail.

When I was a young man, I was afraid of calling car repair shops, because I feared being too ignorant of my car's kharma, and being laughed at. Since I drove a old car that needed repair of some sort many times a year, this was a serious handicap.

Now I understand the car kharma better, but my cars are more reliable. I don't fear the phone.

As a young man, I was a great narcissist, and would call friends often and bore them with my problems. Now I am a lesser narcissist, and dont tell people much at all. I don't call people much, except to tell stories about my kids. Boring in a different way!

Uh, hello? Yeah, first time caller. Long time lurker. Yeah, uh, I had a comment.

I'm one of those who could be described as anti-phone. "Hater" may be a bit strong but I definitely prefer not to use them.

Um, yeah, well, uh, anyway, what's struck me as I've followed this blogospheric conversation today is the self-selection bias that I think is prevalent in the posts and comments. It's not at all surprising to me that the somewhat introverted (one assumes) bleeding edge technology users that hang out in blogs and blog comments would evince a strong preference for new technology communication schemes. In fact, it just may be the case that people are hanging out in blogs, in part, because they are not yapping on the phone. Which, of course, is partly due to the fact that the people in their lives (who might otherwise call) don't call them because they don't like phones.

Well, uh, thanks for taking my call. I'll listen to the response off line. Bye. (click)

Damn the Telephones!!! Full Speed Ahead!!!

I'm one of those who would rather clean the floor with a toothbrush, and given my loathing of cleaning chores, that's saying something.

Reading over the comments here forces me to think about just why I hate the phone, and I have to admit I think it has a great deal to do with control. I deeply resent the fact that the phone demands you stop what you're doing or feeling or thinking to attend to the need of whoever is on the other end, telemarketer or friend.

And I hate the fact that when I have to call somebody, I have to mostly extemporaneously succinctly explain the purpose of my call without the aid of any of the facial expressions and body language that help get the point across quickly. So I particularly loathe calling strangers, who generally give you 10 seconds to show them why they should bother talking to you. (As do I if I'm on the receiving end...)

Email doesn't have the body language or even tone of voice, but you can take your time and choose your words carefully, and you can both read and send email when it's convenient.

I've also gotten a lot of really bad news over the phone in my lifetime, so there's a pretty instinctive anxiety reaction to the sound of the phone ringing when I'm not expecting it, come to think of it.

Thanks for the group therapy opportunity, Kevin!

God help us if we can't even overcome telephone annoyances. What if we still had to sew our own cloths, for Christ's sake? Or grow our own food? Or fuck our own wife's...

Glad to know I'm not alone - I couldn't believe it when I read about this first at Yglesias via Atrios.

I have the same feeling as Kevin - I think I'm bothering the person. I know it sounds ridiculous - but it has come up in therapy occasionally. When I first started working I would walk down the hall to talk to someone in person rather than call them on the phone.

I'm self employed now and have a tendency to put off the phone calls I need to make. Just this a.m. I decided it's better to make them & get them out of the way, rather than having them hang over my head all day. I just do it....

I love the phone, at least for talking to people I know. I can communicate more, and better, information in a shorter amount of time than any other medium.

I don't like the phone at all. I love my friends dearly but I can't really commit to draping myself over the bed with the receiver clutched to my ear for hours a la Ann-Margret in Bye Bye Birdie.

I use email even for family. It's easier to gather my thoughts and not just blab out something to fill the silence. Voice mail and caller id are a God send. If I talk to someone directly it's "Hello" then my question - their answer and "good bye". Plus I have all speaker phones so I can do other things at the same time - like answer emails.

I remember when answering machines first came out. Everyone thought they were "rude" and even hung up on them. Now they can't live without one. Email is the same way.

Really hate cell phones though. I resent being hostage while the lady next to me on the bus goes into detail about her toe infection.
\

Mark me down with the haters.

What's the old adage;

"Communication is 10% verbal and 90% non-verbal"

This should go along way towards explaining why so many people dislike the phone. Email is worse. Interacting directly with another person allows us to fully and properly express ourselves, and allows us to see the impact of our communication upon others.

Email and blog postings distance us so far from whom we impact, that misunderstandings and hostility are the norm, instead of the exception.

I applaud the person who walks down the hall to interact with co-workers as opposed to calling. Isn't it nicer to look someone in the eye to discuss a situation or solution?

More person to person!

"Rather, what I do find very disturbing is the loss of privacy, anonymity and solitude that comes with modern ubiquitous cell phone tech, private messaging, and social web apps"

Yep. And with that, the expectation that you are to be available to everyone 24/7, and that if you're not, you're being rude.

Some of us still like solitude from time to time, and I resent the imposition of the culture of constant communication on me. If you always want to be available on a moment's notice, fine. But leave me out, thank you.

Always disliked the phone. Even with people I love. Don't know why.

Sentences without subjects? Love 'em.

Hm, suspicious, Kevin, very suspicious.

By the way, Kevin, I have a bridge I would like to sell you!

+1 for hate phone, at least for personal uses. IMO, phones are really only good for very short informational exchanges.

It's mainly a physical thing. It's uncomfortable no matter how I try to deal with it (one hand or craned neck), and I'll be damned if I'm going to do the headset thing (with the rare exception while driving, but that's a safety issue).

It's impossible to avoid speakerphone conference calls working for an international corp., but they're only tolerable if everyone involved groks the need to leave space for others to get in a word. If not, I find myself getting phone rage...

All this phone stuff reminds me of The Matrix.

My spouse (software engineer) hates the phone as well.

I certainly don't love the device, I have to make scripts to talk on it.

But mostly I wonder why it's so annoying to talk on the phone. Call-backs, queues, menus that don't have all the options they should or go around in circles... Computers that phone you and tell you useless messages.

I can't really see a reason to love the device, even if I can't live without it.

Has anyone on the thread distinguished between short and long convos? That's the source of the love/hate divide, imo. Most people don't like long-ass phone calls (but even sometimes these are great, long distance skype, etc). Short phone calls, to be realistic, make the world a much better and happier place.

Not that bloggers want to be realistic about it. It's much cooler and bloggier to eschew the phone --passionately!-- because it's so mainstream and overused and even associating with all those masses who spend all day walking around with earpieces trying to be all cool and...

Bloggers: please stick to the political commentary, where you are useful. Personal details tend to reveal all too clear what ex-loser elitist nerds you are.

My pet peeve is people who insist upon talking loudly on their cell phones in crowded public places for extended periods of time, like the rest of us within earshot really want to hear their sorry-assed conversations.

The single best retort to one of those came from my own 70-year-old mother, when we were eating lunch at The Cheescake Factory in Old Pasadena a couple of years ago.

The guy in the booth across from our table was carrying on with some friend of his, commiserating with him about both their girlfriends ("real fuckin' bitches"), talking about his boss ('that fuckin' dick, he's one fuckin' arrogant sonofabitch"), and generally carrying on with strings of profanity that usually belie one's pretense of possessing an extensive vocabulary.

Finally, when he commented to his friend about the "faggotty fuckin' waiter" serving him, my gray-haired mother slammed her fork down hard upon the table, got up and walked over to him, and said in a voice loud enough that I'm sure the guy on the other end of the phone had to hear, "Do you FUCKING mind? We're trying to enjoy a nice FUCKING lunch." Then, as she turned away from him, she muttered quite audibly under her breath, "Fuckin' asshole."

As he sat there dumbfounded that this well-groomed older woman so thoroughly cussed him out, she quickly regained her composure and returned to our table (I think I sat there slack-jawed myself), while nearly everyone in the immediate vicinity burst into a spontaneous applause.

Hey, my mother wasn't an English teacher for nothin' ...

No wonder my blog doesnt do well. I dont hate the phone, just have little use for it. I did hate my work beeper though, does that count?

Donal d from Hawaii wins the thread!

Gee, I guess you were never repeatedly, daily phone-raped at age 10 by an 11-year-old bully named Tom describing violent rape fantasies of rimming you and probably doing other things (fisting?) that were similarly incomprehensible, unimaginable, and really, really confusing and scary and upsetting that you're terrified and start panicking every time the phone rings in a Pavlovian reaction.

I guess you've never been elementary-school-aged in the 1970s and picking up the phone and getting a debt collector, who whether or not he gets the right number, and knowing full well he's dealing with a child, starts screaming obscenities, "fuck, fuck," etc.

You're oh so fortunate never even thinking about these things, oh Mr. Charmed Life.

I hate the phone; it's a device that's more trouble than it's worth, except in emergencies.

Glad to see this topic and comments. For business, of course, the phone is so useful it makes sense whether we like it or not. In personal communication, letters in the mail used to be a great pleasure. However, one day I got on the phone, called up my correspondents and asked them how they felt about writing. They said they didn't want to feel obligated to write. So I stopped. Withdrawal was painful, and email saved the day. I wonder if some of the bloggers might be letter writers at heart.

My absolute pet peeve--so what follows is a bit of a rant. Phone calls interrupt what the receiver had previously been doing. Other people's time has value. Simple politiness means taking that into account. Individual phone calls aren't a big deal. But when I receive or six phone calls in an hour when I'm trying to do something--or merely trying to relax--I want to rip the most recent caller's head off. Phone calls from old friends are one thing. So are business calls when someone knows what they're about, and aren't wasting you time. But eight out of ten calls are just intrusive interruptions. There--I feel better.

I hate the phone. I hate sitting there, staring at nothing, talking to someone whose face I can't see. I hate being interrupted doing anything by its demanding ring. I hate calling people and interrupting whatever they're doing with my own demands. Blah. Awful. Email is less demaning, in person is of course much better, and then there's the late lamented letter.

I'm female, by the way.

I'll bet 10 to 1 odds that most if not all the phone haters here have a cell phone.

Gandalf:
No, not me. But the pressure mounts.

I don't like using the phone because I continuously self-edit, and stutter when nervous.

Using e-mail or message boards allows me to relaxed, and to present my message just the way I want it to be.

I stutter. I've controlled it and I do fine now in public, work, etc....but I hate the phone too. It's directly related to my speech impediment and issues from before, so yeah I'm happy we're in a wired world and can plan things through email or IM now.

In that sense, I'm sure there are a lot of people introverted or with speech impediments who aren't crying because of a decline in phone calls. I haven't experienced such a decline, however, and am jealous of those who have. In my experience, everyone's on a cell and calling about anything, anywhere that's its gotten ridiculous.

I hate voicemail. Never check it, never leave it, refuse to answer it.

5 minutes of dialing in, listening to the automated voice tell you that you have x messages, and then sitting through another 5 minutes of stuttering and "um, like"...

... all of which basically boils down to "call me back".

If something is worth the disruption of my day that voicemail entails, then it is worth you taking the 5 minutes necessary to get your thoughts together and compose them in an email.

"I'll bet 10 to 1 odds that most if not all the phone haters here have a cell phone."

Many of us have them in case there are problems while driving. (I have one for that reason.)

Btw, I like the frequent references to SoCal on this blog. I know very little about the geography of DC, but I do know where the Cheesecake Factory in Pasadena is, and will go more often to visit the sight where someone finally stood up for non-talkers' rights.

I hate voicemail. Never check it, never leave it, refuse to answer it.

What a treasured colleague you must be.

I dislike the phone for one of the same reasons our host does--i hate the thought of interrupting anyone doing something presumably more important than answering the phone. This goes for both calling and being called. I look on the phone as strictly a vehicle for direct communication of concrete, necessary information--a question, a request, something purposeful. I can chat and banter on the phone if needed, but I'm always eager to hang up. That's why the ubiquity of the cell phone astonishes me--people chattering away about virtually nothing while they drive or shop or walk down the street hand in hand with someone else (I've seen that). My cell stays off pretty much all the time unless I'm expecting a call or need to call someone for a specific reason.

You wouldn't have phone problems if you owned a iPhone to go with your iMac.

Aside from very close friends and family, I'd rather not use the phone. At work, I have to answer the phone, but when I get home, I make great use of Caller ID to let me know if I need to take the call or just let it go to voicemail.

Oh, man...junior high day or not...great topic.

I HATE the phone. Nine times out of ten, calls interrupt me when I am doing something else. Rarely do I sit at my desk waiting for someone to call. I so much prefer email - I can glance at as it comes in and choose whether or not it is urgent and requires immediate attention. I can return the email at my leisure.

Cell phones are the worst. At least half of the population has decided that a cell phone means that you should be reachable 24/7. I get criticized by people for letting calls go to voice mail and returning them later.

If it is that f*cking urgent, call 911.

Sheesh, indeed.

From Mark Twain:

It is my heart-warm and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.

I'm sure happy that Yglesias got over his shyness to the point where he blasted me off his website because of some (I think) innocuous comments I made that he didn't like. What he's got now is a club of insiders that pander to him. Unlike Kevin, he's thin-skinned, but can dish it out to others.

I would rather e-mail than make a phone call but I have to admit there are some things that are more easily discussed via the phone, especially when nuance in the voice is necessary. E-mail is great for business when a "paper trail" is an asset.

Following up on leslie's comment, above: There are uses for each kind of communication.

I love/need the phone when it is a necessary substitute for in-person communication, such as important business conversations or catching up with a friend who isn't close enough to see in person.

Email is better for the paper trail, functional messages, precision, or time-sensitive questions. (Not everyone is a slave to email any more than the phone.) My peeve, personally, is texting. Short notifications/updates are fine but I will not have a conversation via text! Just pick up the phone, or email me.

One of the keys to not hating the phone is freeing yourself from the obligation of answering it. I ignore it all the time when it's not convenient or I just don't want to talk. Who says you have to answer your cell phone? It takes work, but you can train the people around you on how to contact you. Not everyone and not all the time (esp. not at work), but asking for what you want can be very effective.

THANK YOU. I hate phones and I've finally been more assertive about it the last couple years. Now when I meet people-- that includes prospective dates-- I make a point to mention this idiosyncrasy up front. Phone calls should be all business and over in 30 seconds or less. For little items, text message. For stories, put it in an email or meet me for coffee.

I'm guessing Spitzer is hatin' the phone right about now.

A month ago, my home phone broke, and I'm just loving the peace and quiet! I'm taking my time calling in for repairs.

I hate cell phones too. Don't have one.

I hope this trait I have in common with the successful bloggers means I am a successful blogger too. So far, though, it just means I'm difficult to reach.