Thanks for the encouraging post, Hilzoy. I know several transgendered people, from a couple of generations. As in the Gay/Lesbian community, the younger generation seems to have an easier time of it that those who went before, but it is still a struggle, with many obstacles to overcome.

Loveland, CO "heavily evangelical"? Really? I know it's quite a bit more conservative than neighboring Fort Collins, where I live. But I have a dozen close friends living in Loveland and on a good day I might call one couple "evangelical." Anyway, I'm missing the point of this post entirely.

Loveland is a wonderful city and, yes, Colorado is a Blue State, so that surely helps M.J.'s transition. One of my Loveland friends had a family member go through this same thing twenty years ago, and she's still quite protective and sensitive to reactions of friends when and if they find out.

Finally, I grew up in Laramie, WY, where Matthew Shepard was killed. While Laramie is one of two remotely progressive towns in Wyoming (the other is Jackson), it shocked me but didn't surprise me that Shepard was killed there instead of, say, Oklahoma. Lots of the ignorance demographic in Laramie, despite the presence of the University.

Actually, I have spent a fair amount of time in small-town Colorado, and the folks there are very welcoming. Of course, I am not transgendered, but nonetheless, it is much friendlier than small towns in my home state of Pennsylvania.

At any rate, Colorado has a long tradition of working with transgendered; Trinidad, CO (pop approx 9,000), is the "sex change capital of the world." See link below...

Marci Bowers Bio

Thank you, Hil.

I've worked with kids - well, teens to twenties- who were trans. It's tough for them when they look out in the world and people say they don't exist. Prominent hospitals and psychologists say they shouldn't seek treatment.

And yet, there are millions who are intersexed in some way or another. That there are transgender kids should come as no surprise. And they'll need treatment which leads to a place they're comfortable... Which means some will need transition, and some will just need treatment, and some will need more.

As far as one can tell from the description, this is a story of "inside the tribe" reactions. Culture, clan, or tribal wars depend on labels to recognize the other. They don't apply to the whole people we know.

My only question about this situation is how the biological girls will react if they see this kid whipping out her penis in the bathroom. But then again, it would be behind a stall. And like the story says, there seem to be no problems.

It would be similar, I suppose, with the reverse situation, though probably a little different, because a biological girl wouldn't be able to use the urinal and would have to always use a stall, setting her apart from the biological boys.

This post brings up something that we may hear a lot more about in the next few years: the divide in Red America between the cynical, chauvinistic, xenophobic South and the optimistic, libertarian, individualistic Mountain states. I've spent some time in both regions. They both have lots of evangelicals - but in the South it's part of a stubborn resistance to modernity, while in the Mountain West it's a way to find community in an otherwise atomized social environment. Both claim to mistrust coastal elites, but in the South it's out of primitive resentment and cultural insecurity, while in the West it's out of stubborn self-confidence. And it's easier to convince a self-confident person to take a fresh look at things than an insecure one.

So it doesn't surprise me that the West would be a lot more welcoming to a transgendered kid than the South. Part of the frontier tradition - hey, maybe you're different, but you're here with the rest of us so you're OK.

What about Wyoming and Matthew Shephard? Well, generalizing some more here (and why not), I've always thought of Wyoming as having a lot more to do with Texas than with the surrounding states - that's where the Texas ranchers would take their herds for summer pasture.

My guess is that the contrast between the West and the South will prove to be a critical dividing line in the right-wing crack-up that's already underway. Obama won NV, CO, NM this year, came pretty close in MT, and even did surprisingly well in AZ. If he's smart (and there's no sign yet that he isn't), he'll keep working to accentuate this division. And then we can leave the narrow bigots of the old Confederacy to stew on their verandahs for many years to come.

Excuse my ignorance, but transgendered kids? That doesn't sound like a good idea. Isn't it customary to allow people to reach adulthood before making such a huge decision?

Surprising but immensely encouraging.

I have to agree with Taritac. Unless there is some medical reason, I find this a really bad idea, along with cosmetic surgery, et cetera, for minors.

I don't think there was surgery involved. It just sounds like she's decided to dress as a girl and be called a girl.

I agree, going under the knife at that age is just as irresponsible as breast implants, actually even more so.

Hilzoy,
Wow.
Thank you.

Jenny Boylan's second memoir "I'm Looking Through You" is equally good and is also available as an audio book. (Read by Ms. Boylan herself, which adds another dimension to the humanness of the memoir.)

For detailed information about what the nitty gritty details of what transitioning entails nowadays, I would recommend "Transition and Beyond" by Reid Vanderburgh.

JHM and Taritac,
I understand your concern.
The reason for allowing an early transition rather than waiting for adulthood is that puberty causes a wide range of changes that are difficult or impossible to reverse. And those same changes are emotionally painful, often devastating psychologically. In addition, it is much better to be socialized in the gender one is going to live one's adult life in.

Basilisc,
Thank you for such a well articulated explanation about the South and the West. I have experienced the same thing. From experience in Utah, I think Mormons are more your community-creating Christians than your anti-modern Christians. (The LDS church's roll on Proposition 8 in California not withstanding)

With children, the decision is not whether to have SRS, it's whether to use hormone blockers to delay the onset of puberty, particularly for MTF. The effects of testosterone are difficult, if not impossible, to reverse. Using the blockers makes an eventually transition far more successful, at least in terms of physical appearance. However, it does mean some serious tinkering with a very young person's body, and that is a tricky issue.

The Atlantic Monthly just had an article on the controversy over whether it is best to let kids effectively change their sex while they are still kids. http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200811/transgender-children

Thanks Hilzoy,

You just sold a book. As a 65 year--old father whose 42 year-old son announce two years ago that she is actually my daughter, I have been unsure what to do to help her - and I still have a hard time introducing her as female.

Raising kids remains, as always, a very educational experience.

Rick B,
I would also recommend the books and website of Helen Boyd (a friend of Jennifer Boylan's). They recognize that significant others have a transition experience of their own and that their needs also need to be recognized and met.

Ummm, Loveland has a rep for being an artist's colony, and it's a place I would have moved to if it was closer to my wife's work. Here in Highlands Ranch that kid would've been toast. I have a neighbor who went into full out panic because he found out I liked the color pink (my ipod case is pink) and tried to have my wife & I de-invited from neighborhood activities. Now the rest of the neighborhood didn't agree, but I'm still answering questions and getting weird looks (stay at home dad, wife is the bread winner, I cook and do my girl's hair, I speak up about heterosexism, etc.) The nice thing is I can now get my girls play dates with other kids because no one thinks I'm trying to bang their wife anymore....it was impossible before.)

Am I the only one thinking an 8th grader should hold off until 18 to start making the transition. It's one thing to support your child, it's quiet another to let them start the process at 14. This is a child, what age is too young ?

That being said, this is one day and I am having a real hard time believing the anecdotal story. I am positive no 8th grade boy is going to say "You're talking about somebody who's imaginary." when talking about a transgender person. Has anyone here been in the 8th grade at a public school ?

Wait until the parents find out what is going on. Colorado isn't that liberal, no place on the planet is that liberal. And what is this woman thinking, she was prepared for hell and it didn't happen. So she knowingly moved to a community she thought was going to be hostile to her child and did it anyways. Huh ?

Hope everything is cool for the kid, but it's only the first couple of school days. Still a lot of time to go...

To those who think that a teenager is too young to transition, I ask when was the most difficult time of your life in dealing with your body? Was it as a child when everyone looked the same? As an adult, when everyone was finished changing and had adjusted to the new bodies? Or as a teenager, when everything was changing and going haywire?

Imagine what it must feel like to look at your body in the mirror every day and think, "That's not me. I don't know who that is." Then imagine that alien body changing, becoming more and more alien, more WRONG, and no one around you will believe that you're not really what your body says you are.

When do people figure out that they're gay? When they're adults? When they're teenagers having those first thoughts of, "Oh crap, I like other guys"? It's all up to the individual. When is the easiest time to come to terms with your sexuality and gender? As an adult, when everything is already set? Or as a teenager, when you have a chance to move into adulthood with a firm grasp on who you are?

Don't judge other parents and other people's children. You don't know the hell they go through trying to be themselves in a society that is still rampantly sexist and homobigoted, and unwilling to accept sexuality and gender roles outside of the macho man and his submissive woman.

I'm ecstatic that this mother was able to listen to her child, and cared enough to help her daughter become herself, instead of shoving her son into a box in which he didn't belong because he was too young/sick/socially unacceptable/dangerous.

Matthew Shepard's murderer, Russell Henderson, was a Mormon. He has since been excommunicated for the heinous murder he committed. Around the same time as Henderson was being tried for murder, the church re-issued literature by Elder Boyd K. Packer stating that violence against homosexuals was acceptable to God. Google "To Young Men Only" and see for yourself. Then see how parents with a queer child have to deal with it in a harsh, hateful community.

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20020225/rosman/single

LGBT is an unfair lumping. Each is to some extent different and especially the T part can have a very very different experience than the LGB parts who are at least minimally relateble.

On the education front, believe it or not, Dr. Phil did a great show on Transgender kids. He was a little skeptical, but I think he was just asking questions like the audience would ask, if they could (and like ScottW above). He privileged the psychiatrist from a university hospital and the family allowing their 8 year old to transition, and placed the Focus on the Family doctor in the audience.

It was a very sensitive piece, not sensational at all, and I thought that it was very helpful to promote acceptance in middle america.