Editore"s Note
Tilting at Windmills

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May 18, 2009

AT LEAST IT WASN'T HAIKU.... Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee (R) has decided to join the conservative attacks on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. That's not terribly surprising.

What is surprising is the preferred medium for Huckabee. In all seriousness, the one-time presidential hopeful has written a poem. He titled his piece of work, "Fancy Nancy," which argues that the House Speaker should resign, and makes his case in a series of increasingly painful rhymes.

Until now, she annoyed us, but her gaffes were mostly funny;
Even though it was painful to watch her waste our tax money.
But now her wacky comments are no laughing matter;
She's either unwilling to tell the truth, or she's mad as a hatter!

She sat in briefings and knew about enhanced interrogation;
But claims she wasn't there, and can't give an explanation.
She disparages the CIA and says they are a bunch of liars;
Even the press aren't buying it and they're stoking their fires.

I think Speaker Pelosi has done too much speaking;
And instead of her trashing our intelligence officials, it's her nose that needs tweaking.

If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
Or it's Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.
I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe;
Not the woman who has been caught flat-footed, lying to our face.

I say it here and I say it rather clear-
It's time for Nancy Pelosi to resign and get out of here.

I wish I could make this up, but it's an actual poem from Mike Huckabee, the former governor, Fox News personality, and presidential candidate. Seriously. It's tempting to fact-check this, and point out its many errors, but that would require treating Huck's verse as if it were credible.

Richard Posner, a well-known conservative and Reagan-appointed federal judge, argued last week that "conservative intellectuals" no longer have a political party. It's an observation Huckabee may want to take to heart.

Steve Benen 2:00 PM Permalink | Trackbacks | Comments (50)

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Comments

"I think Speaker Pelosi has done too much speaking;
And instead of her trashing our intelligence officials, it's her nose that needs tweaking."

Oh my. The puns about who's really tweaking just start springing to mind.

Posted by: Shade Tail on May 18, 2009 at 2:00 PM | PERMALINK

it is apparent that kindergarten conservatives no longer have a political party either, and that whirring sound you hear is emanating from Dr Suess' grave...

Posted by: neill on May 18, 2009 at 2:02 PM | PERMALINK

This is so bad that I'm beginning to feel physically ill. I...just can't comprehend conservican stupidity.

Posted by: Hammy on May 18, 2009 at 2:08 PM | PERMALINK

There once was a wingnut named Huckabee
And quite a spectactular f***-up, he.
His prose was insane,
His poetry lame,
Thank God I'm a Dem, for the luck o' me!


Posted by: gradysu on May 18, 2009 at 2:09 PM | PERMALINK

I'm a little sad that the Huckster didn't rhyme anything with Nantucket.

Posted by: Run Up The Score on May 18, 2009 at 2:12 PM | PERMALINK

thinking of it as mere poetry misses the point: Huck is auditioning to be MC Steele's lyricist.

Posted by: zeitgeist on May 18, 2009 at 2:14 PM | PERMALINK

Kudos gradysu!

Posted by: whichwitch on May 18, 2009 at 2:14 PM | PERMALINK

It would have been better in haiku form. At least then it would have some semblance of meter.

Posted by: Brock on May 18, 2009 at 2:16 PM | PERMALINK

What a gravy train is Fox news. If you're a wingnut, just run for office, make up a bunch of crazy stuff and incorporate it into your platform, lose election. Wait for job offer from Fox and hen never do another productive day's work.

Sweet Deal! Wingnut Welfare!

Posted by: Doug Bostrom on May 18, 2009 at 2:16 PM | PERMALINK

Oh my. It really does just get weirder and weirder.

Posted by: Stacy on May 18, 2009 at 2:17 PM | PERMALINK

and just for Steve :)

Pelosi should not
be bothered by the words from
he who pops squirrel

Posted by: zeitgeist on May 18, 2009 at 2:18 PM | PERMALINK

A haiku would have been a damn lot shorter.

Posted by: martin on May 18, 2009 at 2:18 PM | PERMALINK

Try googling Huckabee/State Police plane or Wayne Dumond or Huckabee/Governor's mansion furniture or
Huckabee/Taco Bell/petty cash fund.

There's a lot more out there.

Posted by: Roger on May 18, 2009 at 2:19 PM | PERMALINK

Conservative intellectuals don't have a party? Hell, conservative grown-ups don't have a party. Ands that's a very bad thing. In the short run, it's amusing and beneficial, but eventually the other party, however bad it is, will get its turn, and we'd be better off if there were adults in charge.

Posted by: CJColucci on May 18, 2009 at 2:20 PM | PERMALINK

Wow. Just...wow.

If anyone posts a clip of him reciting it, I will shoot them in the face. The only exception is if the clip is of him reading it at a poetry slam, he's wearing a black turtleneck, and all the other poets murder him with their pens at the halfway point. That, I would watch.

Posted by: Doctor Biobrain on May 18, 2009 at 2:21 PM | PERMALINK

Let's hope John Ashcroft is inspired to write a song using that poem. Let the eagles snore...

Posted by: JL on May 18, 2009 at 2:22 PM | PERMALINK

The real "Fancy Nancy" books are great literature compared with this. This is so bad it's not even doggerel. Squirellel?

Posted by: The Answer Is Green on May 18, 2009 at 2:23 PM | PERMALINK

Huckabee: Unfamiliar with ethics, decency and scansion.

Posted by: Susan Johnson on May 18, 2009 at 2:24 PM | PERMALINK

"Richard Posner, a well-known conservative and Reagan-appointed federal judge, argued last week that "conservative intellectuals" no longer have a political party."

But they got themselves one fierce poetry slam!

Unless of course, it's not a competition. In which case, it's a poetry JAM. I learn something new every week with Obama in the White House.

Posted by: slappy magoo on May 18, 2009 at 2:26 PM | PERMALINK

Richard Posner, a well-known conservative and Reagan-appointed federal judge, argued last week that "conservative intellectuals" no longer have a political party. It's an observation Huckabee may want to take to heart.

Judging by this? I think Huckabee HAS taken that observation to heart.

Posted by: NonyNony on May 18, 2009 at 2:30 PM | PERMALINK

They really work as rap lyrics. Huck B???

Posted by: Jack Remy on May 18, 2009 at 2:31 PM | PERMALINK

Well, Huckabee wants to be a contender in 2012. If Newt is out there trying to make nice with the hardcore faithfuls by pooping on one of their favorite targets (and the hatred among the faithfuls for Pelosi arguably is as big as that for Obama), Huckabee will of course feel compelled to also leave a marker on any of Newt's sh*t piles, just to make sure Newt doesn't own the territory.

What's sort of funny is that Huckabee's choice of composing a poem is like sticking a Marguerite into Newt's sh*t pile. Not sure the base will give that as much credit as Newt's 'direct action'.

Posted by: SRW1 on May 18, 2009 at 2:35 PM | PERMALINK

i'd appreciate it if people would stop referring to these right-leaning democrats as "centrists." it gives them altogether too much cover to continue working for the republicans.

Posted by: karen marie on May 18, 2009 at 2:48 PM | PERMALINK

Dude, that doesn't even scan...

Posted by: Tiki on May 18, 2009 at 2:52 PM | PERMALINK

They really work as rap lyrics. Huck B???

When the hat is backwards, it's Grand Huckster B.

Posted by: Mick on May 18, 2009 at 2:55 PM | PERMALINK

Man, that's terrible. You'd think he'd at least be able to manage a heroic couplet or two...

Posted by: sjk on May 18, 2009 at 2:56 PM | PERMALINK
. . . a series of increasingly painful rhymes.

Actually the rhymes aren't bad (except for "safe/face": does this mean Huckabee would rhyme "keel" with "leak"?); it's the total tin ear for meter that gets me. As Tom Lehrer once sang, apparently "it doesn't matter if you stuff a couple of extra syllables into a line" -- or leave a couple out.

Posted by: noncarborundum on May 18, 2009 at 2:57 PM | PERMALINK

That was so unbelievably absurd I feel compelled to comment, but it took my breath away. If I'd written something like that I'd be so embarrassed I'd make sure to tear it into itty bitty pieces so that nobody I knew (or even dumpster divers) would find it. Huckabee, on the other hand, is proud of it and puts it out there for a national audience to see.

There are those who maintain that the Republican base isn't made up of morons, that it's actually got some smart people in it. Presumably the smart ones aren't Huckabee supporters.

Posted by: President Lindsay on May 18, 2009 at 3:09 PM | PERMALINK

"Conservative intellectuals don't have a party? Hell, conservative grown-ups don't have a party."

Apparently there are neither intellectuals nor grown-ups in the current Republican Party.

Why is the media focusing so much on what and when Pelosi knew and ignoring those responsible?

Posted by: Mari on May 18, 2009 at 3:12 PM | PERMALINK

I think the poem works better accompanying an interpretive dance.

And it would definitely be funnier.

Posted by: CT on May 18, 2009 at 3:15 PM | PERMALINK

Rhyme != poetry. There's no meter, no emotive outpouring, no evocation of epiphany. There's no economy of language, no scansion, no rhythm. In short, this is no more poetry than a chanted school yard insult.

To paraphrase Billy Madison:
Mr. Huckabee, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Posted by: Diogenes on May 18, 2009 at 3:18 PM | PERMALINK

And this melon head has the Paul Harvey slot on AFN here, given roughly 3 minutes in the morning and 3 in the afternoon to tell us why anything Obama is doing is wrong, and why Bush, Cheney and the rest are all such nice people. And on ABC radio, part of the allegedly liberally biased media. It would be one thing is he could speak intelligently, but he's really an idiot. In the last months,among other dumb ideas, he's called for shooting reality show cast members as some improvement on the entertainment form. Someone please tell him his 15 minutes are up!

Posted by: Foreigner on May 18, 2009 at 3:26 PM | PERMALINK

My college verse writing teacher would have flunked him. He had better stick to being a nice pol and stop trying to be clever. That is as terrible a poem as I have ever seen, and I teach high school. Nearly any random 11th grader could do better than that.

Posted by: Gracious on May 18, 2009 at 3:27 PM | PERMALINK

and makes his case in a series of increasingly painful rhymes.

It really does give whole new levels of meaning to the world "embarrassing."

Posted by: electrolite on May 18, 2009 at 3:28 PM | PERMALINK

Oops; should have been "word" above.

Posted by: electrolite on May 18, 2009 at 3:32 PM | PERMALINK

If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
Or it's Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.

Ummm.......never mind

Anyway, it continues to chap my ass when these conservatives all of a sudden find such reverence for the intelligence community. Where was all of this when they were busy throwing the CIA under the bus about lack of 9/11 warning, for falsely misleading our dear former President into thinking Iraq had connections to Al Qaeda, or for getting the case for WMDs wrong.

Conservatives = Cowards

Posted by: oh well on May 18, 2009 at 3:33 PM | PERMALINK

Huckabee might think this a good way to keep his name in the news, but he's only compiling an embarassing collection of statements that will disqualify him from serious contention in 2012.
Actually, considering the state of the GOP, probably not. Never mind. Run, Mike, Run!

Posted by: Allan Snyder on May 18, 2009 at 3:43 PM | PERMALINK

There once was Governor named Huckabee
Who was a Republican Presidential want-a-be
he spoke really swell
but his message never did sell
So he was always out-of-luck, you see.

Posted by: Kurt on May 18, 2009 at 3:50 PM | PERMALINK

Former candidate
No concept of poetry
Now fourth-rate has-been

Posted by: electrolite on May 18, 2009 at 3:57 PM | PERMALINK

I once knew a guy named Huck.
Enough to make me up-chuck.
He fancied himself prez timber.
In spite of his dick - limber.
But then again who gives a fuck.

Posted by: Chopin on May 18, 2009 at 4:03 PM | PERMALINK

Yeah, I can see Karl Rove rapping now ....

Posted by: Ken on May 18, 2009 at 4:12 PM | PERMALINK

Well I don't know, remember, rendering Sarah Palin's interviews into Haiku makes them strangely.... beautiful.

Posted by: MNPundit on May 18, 2009 at 4:19 PM | PERMALINK
Well I don't know, remember, rendering Sarah Palin's interviews into Haiku makes them strangely.... beautiful.

As I recall, someone did something similar to Donald Rumsfeld's press conferences, with similar results.

Posted by: noncarborundum on May 18, 2009 at 4:46 PM | PERMALINK

Nide to see our least-favorite hillbilly has as much talent with poetry as he has with everything else he does - zero.

Southerners always wonder why the rest of us think they're so ignorant, and then this comes along and proves the point perfectly. They not only sound stupid, they are stupid!

Posted by: TCinLA on May 18, 2009 at 4:47 PM | PERMALINK

Really, it was ghost written by that well known intellectual...Chuck Norris.

Huckabee sure has shown his genius here. How did we ever pass up a chance to make him president. We could have given him his own box of crayons like FAUX news did and he would have been president for free.

Can you imagine the glee across the face of Huckabee while he set there composing such crap. The smiles that crossed his face as he marveled at his own creativity. Makes you want to vomit.


Now we no longer have to wonder if Huckabee is a fool. Oh, the type of mindset that could publish such embarrassment...and those that guffaw at it. Just pathetic.

Posted by: bjobotts on May 18, 2009 at 4:52 PM | PERMALINK

Since Huckabee had the audacity to invade my poetry turf, I had no choice but to write a limerick in his honor: Ode to Mike “The Poet” Huckabee

Posted by: Mad Kane on May 18, 2009 at 4:54 PM | PERMALINK

The ex-governor Huckabee
Most famous for being an ex-fattie
Accused House Speaker Pelosi
Of reaching the heights of hypocrisy
Though just between you and me
The whole thing's a smokescreen, see


Posted by: Master Mahan on May 18, 2009 at 4:57 PM | PERMALINK

btw....to that judge who claims "intellectual conservatives no longer have a party", I say this is the party you cultivated all along with your Bushes and Roves and Rushes and Hannitys and Becks. It backfired but you got exactly what you cultivated with your ideology.

Posted by: bjobotts on May 18, 2009 at 5:00 PM | PERMALINK

Re your title, "haiku" would have been better because, by definition, it would have been shorter.

Posted by: Mad Kane on May 18, 2009 at 10:57 PM | PERMALINK

Rove rapping? That WOULD be "beyond cutting edge".

The meter that goes from rod to furlong aside, what annoyed me was his implying that if the CIA is right that Pelosi was briefed, that they can be trusted in other things they say.

The leap of logic is reckless and bodes ill that he would show sound judgment as a president.

Posted by: toowearyforoutrage on May 19, 2009 at 3:29 PM | PERMALINK




 

 

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