One student at the University of Georgia, Amber Estes, displaying that particular college newspaper columnist blend of irony and weird sincerity, is giving UGA girls marriage advice. Or maybe she meant it satirically. Estes is a college sophomore.
As the young woman writes in the Red and Black, the student newspaper:
We have four years in college. Well, most of us at least. Only four short years to attain the thing that is most essential in securing our futures.
That’s right ladies, four years to find a husband. Every true woman knows how vital it is to find the right brilliant babe to father their children and replenish their bank accounts. A Southern belle is nothing but a pretty face and pearls without a man to eat her cooking and appreciate her cleaning.
So ladies, the clock is ticking and the hunnies are being taken at an alarmingly fast pace. Our expiration dates are fast approaching. To help you find that special someone, I’ve laid out step-by-step directions for how to secure your husband and consequentially, your future.
It was actually pretty hard to tell if she was serious or not, because she gives very specific instructions about how to achieve this goal. Granted, because it’s 2012, “spending your free time casually moseying around the law school, Ag Hill or Terry” and “on your first date, STAY CLASSY” won’t actually result in marriage before the age of 23, but following the instructions would be, frankly, a fairly good way to secure a fairly fratty UGA boyfriend, which is kind of the same thing, only updated for the 21st century.
She followed up by explaining that UGA was, apparently, full of idiots:
Yes, if you haven’t inferred already, my article “How to find that perfect husband in college,” was satirical. For the countless number who seems to have skipped ninth grade literature, satire pokes fun at a certain type of behavior while addressing a larger social issue.
Ah, yes, the larger social issue. There is one. She’s really just looking out for women’s rights, or something. She explains that,
While the majority of women prove themselves as smart, capable individuals, a few continue to halt progress with their shameful behavior. As described in the column, there are women who believe that their sole purpose in life is to find a husband. They view their future not through their own personal lenses, but by how it will look after wedding vows. This lack of independence and self-respect threatens to invalidate growth of women in academia.
This may well be the first time anyone has suggested that “women who believe that their sole purpose in life is to find a husband” is really something more than a minor annoyance and, in fact, threatens to “invalidate growth of women in academia.” Who knew?
Women now earn 57 percent of all bachelor’s degrees issued in the United States.
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