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April 29, 2012 3:30 PM Headline of the day (and perhaps the millennium)

By Kathleen Geier

NEW BOOK SHOWS BIN LADEN WAS A WILD SEX MACHINE WHO LOVED TO PLEASE THE LADIES.

This writing in this story has to be experienced to be believed. It is as perfect a specimen of tabloidese as you’re ever likely to read. Sample sentence:

Bin Laden was also a big fan of caffeinated colas, which probably allowed him to keep up his energy as he made sweet love to his many ladies all night.

I realize this stuff is as likely to be part of a disinformation campaign as it is to be fact, but I for one sure hope this part is true:

Bin Laden also reportedly used Just for Men hair dye to keep his greying beard black, presumably to make the ladies happy.

Kathleen Geier is a writer and public policy researcher who lives in Chicago. She blogs at Inequality Matters. Find her on Twitter: @Kathy_Gee

Comments

  • cwolf on April 29, 2012 3:43 PM:

    Are they trading
    Obama's scary big black dick in for
    Osama's big brown scary dick?

  • Quaker in a Basement on April 29, 2012 3:53 PM:

    Osama is a bad mother...(Shut your mouth!)

  • Quaker in a Basement on April 29, 2012 3:58 PM:

    And this?

    ďItís not something most people would connect to bin Laden who prior to his death was really only known for the guy who knocked those building down and killed thousands of people, which for most people really isnít all that sexy. I guess he was a more complicated guy than we would like to believe.Ē

    The staff of the Onion weeps.

  • cld on April 29, 2012 4:55 PM:


    He was doing it for luv.

  • troglodyte on April 29, 2012 6:00 PM:

    He was doing it for luv.

    Superb! I can visualize the remaining members of Al Queda onstage on Broadway belting out the classics from A Chorus Line.

  • mudwall jackson on April 29, 2012 8:49 PM:

    "Bin Laden was also a big fan of caffeinated colas, which probably allowed him to keep up his energy as he made sweet love to his many ladies all night."

    probably made him pee a lot as well.

    the Just for Men tidbit is old news. (it pays to use your time wisely while waiting in the grocery store checkout line.)

  • bleh on April 29, 2012 9:08 PM:

    OSAMA brand condoms: powerful and dangerous! Only men who threaten presidents and start wars dare to wear them! Do YOU dare?

  • Ken on April 29, 2012 9:34 PM:

    Is this the next "Chuck Norris is so tough..." joke?

  • zandru on April 29, 2012 10:10 PM:

    My only regret is, having read this post, I can't un-read it.

  • researcher on April 29, 2012 10:44 PM:

    On caffeine and colas? And on kidney dialysis too!
    ...he looked pretty fatigued in that last picture, sitting on floor watching a crummy teevee with a rabbit ears antenna like it was 1955.

  • howie on April 30, 2012 11:34 AM:

    I'm searching "On Demand" for those last episodes of BIN LADEN AFTER DARK.