If George Allen is embarrassed about his Jewish heritage -- recall that his mother worried he wouldn’t love her if she told him about it -- Katherine Harris is darn proud of hers, even though it exists only in her mind. Today’s Washington Post describes her as a pseudo-crypto-Jew, one who despite winning the Miss Pork Agriculture contest always wanted to be otherwise Chosen. "I can remember riding my bike to piano lessons and thinking about Israel," she said. "I thought I was adopted for a while."

But while she may not have any Jewish blood, she does seem to understand the Jewish literary tradition. According to the Post, Harris is writing a book detailing all of the iniquities she has suffered throughout her career. "I’ve been writing it all year," she said. "It’s going to be a great book." And considering that she takes Queen Esther as a role model, I’m inclined to agree. As readers may recall, the story ends with the evil minister Haman (boo! hiss!) hanged alongside his sons, while the king issues an edict permitting the Jews to rampage against their remaining enemies. It’s a brutal story, but perfect inspiration for a political tell-all. I, for one, will be waiting with bated breath, noisemaker in hand.

Correction: It was just too good to be true. Harris won the Miss Polk Agriculture contest, not Pork.